This bookworm introvert makes worm's meat of a popular misconception. When I declare myself to be a toward-the-end-of-the-spectrum introvert, most people are skeptical. After all, I’ve lived a lot of my life in the public eye. Like, really in the public eye. But that actually doesn’t disprove my hypothesis. We mustn’t equate social skills with extroversion. Lots of extroverts don’t have any. And lots of introverts end up racking a shotgun and blowing up a mall. Separate issues entirely!
I've never made any apologies for my introversion, and all my friends understand and recognize that I have a limited capacity for social interaction. I can speak in front of crowds with no difficulty; at my book release party last summer, I did a reading in front of 60 or so people with no problem. I've given speeches and presentations, and while it's not my preference, I can bullshit my way through like a pro.
I simply prefer small groups- six is best, eight is the absolute maximum. More than that, and I'm usually looking at my watch and wondering how much longer I have to be "on" before I can disappear into my basement mancave and grab one of my guitars.
I have no problem engaging, and I can talk to anyone about just about anything. It's just that I seldom choose to do that. As I'm writing this, I'm in my basement office, with a soccer game on my big-screen TV. It doesn't get much better than that.
SAMESIES. Except the soccer game ;-) I can do public speaking, no problemo, but it's not "natural" to me. I much prefer a small group or better still a fun outing with a bestie. Or a book. Or a cat. Your book release party must have been a blast.
I've been on the introvert scale by default, but what I really am is shy. As a child growing up, I could scarcely look another person in the eyes; I still have a tendency to mumble. But 22 years ago, I discovered the Ren Faire. Going in garb (I don't believe I can share pictures here, but Stacey might know the one I'm thinking of) gave me permission to be "not me," and become instead the story I constructed around my faire persona. It was a real "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" moment. (That and fencing, sabre.)
With things like grad school & then teaching, "breaking in" to a group was always hard, but once there, I finally relaxed and "became me." But even after years of teaching (when I could actually get a job) the first 6 wks of class were always the same: I had to hover at the men's room because I'd spend the 20 min before class started having to pee like a race horse. (Evidently, Carly Simon got physically sick prior to every concert.)
With "retirement" (which is to say, no jobs), the death of friends, and then the pandemic, I am finding that all the worst of my old habits are roaring back to life, and I hate it. I know that once I break past the shyness, I'm good at social interactions, enjoy them, and am even energized by them.
But just today, even with the world of S. IL opening back up, the thought of going to a local place that I really like and haven't been to in over a year for some craft beer and non-traditional tacos, while I just sit by myself and work on the 500 word abstract for a paper I've been invited to submit, leaves me twisted up with indecision and almost sick to my stomach. Yet god knows, I need to get out of the house.
I know that photo! I know that photo! You look like D'Artagnan!
They say the best way to overcome the kind of crippling shyness we can both suffer from at times is to stay present in your body, consciously breathe, and above all, maintain a sense of humor about yourself. That last part is especially important. I've also found that just confessing one's distressed emotional state can help. That way, you're not trying to hide anything.
I hope you go to your local place and enjoy craft beer and "non-traditional tacos." Do it enough, and you might not be nervous anymore. Works for me.
I've never made any apologies for my introversion, and all my friends understand and recognize that I have a limited capacity for social interaction. I can speak in front of crowds with no difficulty; at my book release party last summer, I did a reading in front of 60 or so people with no problem. I've given speeches and presentations, and while it's not my preference, I can bullshit my way through like a pro.
I simply prefer small groups- six is best, eight is the absolute maximum. More than that, and I'm usually looking at my watch and wondering how much longer I have to be "on" before I can disappear into my basement mancave and grab one of my guitars.
I have no problem engaging, and I can talk to anyone about just about anything. It's just that I seldom choose to do that. As I'm writing this, I'm in my basement office, with a soccer game on my big-screen TV. It doesn't get much better than that.
SAMESIES. Except the soccer game ;-) I can do public speaking, no problemo, but it's not "natural" to me. I much prefer a small group or better still a fun outing with a bestie. Or a book. Or a cat. Your book release party must have been a blast.
It was. We even sold a few books. :-)
I've been on the introvert scale by default, but what I really am is shy. As a child growing up, I could scarcely look another person in the eyes; I still have a tendency to mumble. But 22 years ago, I discovered the Ren Faire. Going in garb (I don't believe I can share pictures here, but Stacey might know the one I'm thinking of) gave me permission to be "not me," and become instead the story I constructed around my faire persona. It was a real "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" moment. (That and fencing, sabre.)
With things like grad school & then teaching, "breaking in" to a group was always hard, but once there, I finally relaxed and "became me." But even after years of teaching (when I could actually get a job) the first 6 wks of class were always the same: I had to hover at the men's room because I'd spend the 20 min before class started having to pee like a race horse. (Evidently, Carly Simon got physically sick prior to every concert.)
With "retirement" (which is to say, no jobs), the death of friends, and then the pandemic, I am finding that all the worst of my old habits are roaring back to life, and I hate it. I know that once I break past the shyness, I'm good at social interactions, enjoy them, and am even energized by them.
But just today, even with the world of S. IL opening back up, the thought of going to a local place that I really like and haven't been to in over a year for some craft beer and non-traditional tacos, while I just sit by myself and work on the 500 word abstract for a paper I've been invited to submit, leaves me twisted up with indecision and almost sick to my stomach. Yet god knows, I need to get out of the house.
I know that photo! I know that photo! You look like D'Artagnan!
They say the best way to overcome the kind of crippling shyness we can both suffer from at times is to stay present in your body, consciously breathe, and above all, maintain a sense of humor about yourself. That last part is especially important. I've also found that just confessing one's distressed emotional state can help. That way, you're not trying to hide anything.
I hope you go to your local place and enjoy craft beer and "non-traditional tacos." Do it enough, and you might not be nervous anymore. Works for me.