Are You An Introvert?

This bookworm introvert makes worm's meat of a popular misconception.

Like human sexuality, I believe introversion is on a spectrum. It is rare to find a person who is purely introverted, although the hermits we read about who live in the woods or lone caretakers of remote Pacific islands must score high on the scale.

Between extroversion versus introversion, most of us fall somewhere in the middle.

When I declare myself to be a toward-the-end-of-the-spectrum introvert, most people are skeptical. After all, I’ve lived a lot of my life in the public eye. Like, really in the public eye. But that actually doesn’t disprove my hypothesis. We mustn’t equate social skills with extroversion. Lots of extroverts don’t have any. And lots of introverts end up racking a shotgun and blowing up a mall. Separate issues entirely!

Here’s how experts make the distinction between extro-and-introversion.

Let’s pretend you’re a parking meter. Does being around people put green in your meter or slowly drain it till there’s nothing left? Do you get “social hangovers,” or a feeling of being wiped out after a night of heavy socializing? Or do you feel juiced, like you’re ready to go, go, go?

That’s how you know whether you’re an intro or an extro.

Being around people all the time “costs” me. Make no mistake—it’s a price I’m happy to pay when the company is worth it. And I definitely need the camaraderie of like-minded friends. But if I want to get green in my meter again, I have to be alone for a few hours. It’s how I process my thoughts, feelings, and impressions of what just happened. It’s how I understand myself and the world.

I admire the forceful personalities of most extroverts, especially those with great stories to tell. They usually feel comfortable around me, knowing that I give them my full attention and will never jockey for space on their conversational dance floor.

According to psychologist Jonathan Cheek at Wellesley College, there are four types of introverts.

Social Introverts show a decided preference for solitude, small groups instead of large ones, and that holiest of holies, a night at home with a book or a computer or a Netflix and chill. But here’s the deal: there’s no social anxiety behind this preference. Social introverts like people just fine; but small groups or solitude are better. This is me, for the record.

Thinking Introverts show little aversion to social gatherings and can be right there in the room with you, but you can tell they’re mentally elsewhere. These are people who are naturally introspective, self-reflective, and non-neurotic. Even in the midst of all the hilarity, they can be far far away, king or queen of their own internal fantasy world. This is not me, by the way. When I’m with you, I’m with you.

Anxious Introverts are, in a way, introverts by default. Their preference may be social hedonism, to be the life of the party, yet they feel awkward and self-conscious and are never confident enough to fulfill their own dreams of social ease. These are the poor souls who lay awake at night turning over in their minds all the things they should or shouldn’t have said, gaffes they made, people they offended. I’m not a socially anxious introvert.

Restrained Introverts are, perhaps, less of a trait and more of a personality characteristic. They’re reserved. It may take a while to get to know them, and can expect to do the “heavy lifting,” but they’re usually worth the effort and can make solid, lifelong friends. This is also not me. I can be shy, but I’m rarely reserved.

Do you see yourself in any of these descriptions? If so, comment below!