The first time I saw a bidet was in a hotel room just off the Ban Jelacic in Zagreb, Croatia. I knew what it was- or, at least, I'd heard the term- but how to properly employ it? THAT was a different story altogether.
Of course, I didn't want to come off as just another stupid American (which is EXACTLY what I was), so after some reflection, I turned on the water...and immediately got a stream in my face.
Ah, so it's a water fountain, as well? Man, these Europeans think of EVERYTHING!!
That's f*****g brilliant, eh?
Then I had to puzzle out how to position myself over it and do my business without turning the whole process into an unwitting enema and/or flooding my hotel room. Unfortunately, I never did figure that part out.
In the end, I went back to toilet paper. However, since I spent a month in that room during the dead of a Croatian winter, I ended up using the bidet (as I did everything else in the room) as a drying rack for the laundry I did in the bathtub.
Hey, when you're working in a war zone, improvisation is the only way to get things done. You'll be happy to know that I did draw the line at trying to use the bidet to brush my teeth. Even for me, that seemed beyond that pale.
After all, a man's gotta have standards, knowhutimean???
What a story! As you described it, I could see the whole thing unfolding in my mind's eye. Like you, my first encounter with a bidet left me troubled and puzzled. Like you, I didn't want to appear like an ignoramus. Eventually, however, my insatiable curiosity won out and I asked for directions ;-) So glad I did! And now look at us. We're old pros at this stuff.
Ha! I mean old pros at bidets at this point. We've mastered our learning curve there, which is admittedly three times longer than that posed by other nationalities.
1. French terms get mutilated into English all the time. When the French came over, they'd tell the English "zat's etiquette," which the English turned into "that's the ticket!" So maybe they should stop calling it some nancified term like "bidet" and turn it into "Bad-It!" Then all the bros be lining up for one, 'cause yah! "I'm BAD-it!"
2. Not going to fit in my trailer, so oh well.
3. A friend told the story of the time back in her, um, "professional" days, being at a high end party somewhere on the Gold Coast, and spending some moments in the jake with other working girls, and there was a bidet. She was the only one who knew what it was or how it was used. The other two just walked out shaking their heads. "Rich people sure are weird ... "
I had NO IDEA that's where the "That's the ticket" expression came from. Unfortunately, you're exactly right about renaming the bidet a "Bad-it." What about "Bro-stream?" "Water floss?" Or "Dick-washer?"
It works as a foot wash also after a long day in sandals trekking Italian paths!
MUCH DESERVED, after all the work you do!
The first time I saw a bidet was in a hotel room just off the Ban Jelacic in Zagreb, Croatia. I knew what it was- or, at least, I'd heard the term- but how to properly employ it? THAT was a different story altogether.
Of course, I didn't want to come off as just another stupid American (which is EXACTLY what I was), so after some reflection, I turned on the water...and immediately got a stream in my face.
Ah, so it's a water fountain, as well? Man, these Europeans think of EVERYTHING!!
That's f*****g brilliant, eh?
Then I had to puzzle out how to position myself over it and do my business without turning the whole process into an unwitting enema and/or flooding my hotel room. Unfortunately, I never did figure that part out.
In the end, I went back to toilet paper. However, since I spent a month in that room during the dead of a Croatian winter, I ended up using the bidet (as I did everything else in the room) as a drying rack for the laundry I did in the bathtub.
Hey, when you're working in a war zone, improvisation is the only way to get things done. You'll be happy to know that I did draw the line at trying to use the bidet to brush my teeth. Even for me, that seemed beyond that pale.
After all, a man's gotta have standards, knowhutimean???
What a story! As you described it, I could see the whole thing unfolding in my mind's eye. Like you, my first encounter with a bidet left me troubled and puzzled. Like you, I didn't want to appear like an ignoramus. Eventually, however, my insatiable curiosity won out and I asked for directions ;-) So glad I did! And now look at us. We're old pros at this stuff.
Me? An old pro? That's debatable...since I look like I'm about to hit the bottom of a Norwegian ski jump. :-)
Ha! I mean old pros at bidets at this point. We've mastered our learning curve there, which is admittedly three times longer than that posed by other nationalities.
1. French terms get mutilated into English all the time. When the French came over, they'd tell the English "zat's etiquette," which the English turned into "that's the ticket!" So maybe they should stop calling it some nancified term like "bidet" and turn it into "Bad-It!" Then all the bros be lining up for one, 'cause yah! "I'm BAD-it!"
2. Not going to fit in my trailer, so oh well.
3. A friend told the story of the time back in her, um, "professional" days, being at a high end party somewhere on the Gold Coast, and spending some moments in the jake with other working girls, and there was a bidet. She was the only one who knew what it was or how it was used. The other two just walked out shaking their heads. "Rich people sure are weird ... "
4. I never throw my wipes down the plumbing.
I had NO IDEA that's where the "That's the ticket" expression came from. Unfortunately, you're exactly right about renaming the bidet a "Bad-it." What about "Bro-stream?" "Water floss?" Or "Dick-washer?"