You have to let go and let life if you’re going to make it overseas, otherwise you will experience a lot of unnecessary pain. So much of our pain is some form of non-acceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is. There’s a whole lot of “what is” here. Italy loves nothing more than to laugh at your silly plans and petty agendas. Take it all in stride. Then find an outdoor café and have yourself a Campari. That is what Italy offers you. She offers you yourself.
YES! Most emphatically. But I miss my family, especially since I wasn't able to see them because of the pandemic. Who saw THAT coming? So my heart is always torn. Always.
I lived in Italy for three years, year at a time on three occasions. T wo of the years I studied mosaics in Ravenna and then in Spilimbergo, Friuli Venezia-Giuli. I taught English as a Second Language the first time. So much to say. My Italian got good enough to mingle with Italians easily but then the better your language skills are, the less leeway you are given for the inevitable faux pas. Also, I was in my thirties at the time and the students at the schools were much younger. I longed for stimulating adult conversation. Occasionally, I'd get invited out but it was rare in the small towns. People are closed there. Once, I was invited to a dinner with 14 professional people around my age, I was so happy! Wow! Just what I've been looking for! We had a wonderful time. Someone invited me to come the next time. Great!
That time, people looked at me like I had a contagious disease. Someone actually asked cold as ice, "why are you here?" Found out later that the guy who originally invited me to their little gathering was using me to make his girlfriend jealous. How awful. What a disappointment. So I was back to filling my time alone which I'm quite good at but I thought I was opening a new chapter. Maybe if it had been an honest invitation, I would have been able to make it happen. An Italian woman told me she was give a real scolding for bringing "an outsider" to a gathering of a tight knit group of friends who met regularly.
"Why did you bring her? She's not one of us!" Now we also have to say that these things happened in Northern Italy. It very well might be Completely different in the South. Italians consider Rome South! As an ESL teacher, I was invited out regularly. That was in Tivoli which is immediately outside of Rome. Does that prove the North South theory or was there a deference to the teacher? I don't know. But that is a wonderful option. Please get yourself trained though.
Don't wing it... Learning English means a Lot to people and the courses are not cheap so I always encourage people to have integrity and give the best you can. My two cents.
Well, I'm terribly sorry it didn't work out for you on the social front. What they did was cruel. But it sounds as though you made the best of a negative situation--and hey, you speak passable Italian! I can think of worse things.
It’s the same in the south. I live in a small town and no one wants to be friends , only some sleazy married men. They are very closed minded in the small towns near me ( including mine ) and don’t like outsiders much . My italian is very good but it doesn’t matter. My friends are Italians outside of my town and some other foreigners living in Italy . Sometimes it is very weird because my family is from Southern Italy but I am still made to feel like ‘ why are you here ‘ sometimes too and I am a dual citizen.
I miss being able to travel. I was a couple years in Germany working for an "Uncle." But now, where I've landed and the responsibilities I never asked for, Paducah, KY is an exotic destination. So. IL isn't even a "place," it is merely a location.
I've lived in Cyprus and Kosovo, though not for nearly as long as you've been in Italy, and I can see a lot of my experience in general outlined in your words. Except in my case you had to throw in a few armies and police forces...all of them carrying automatic weapons and feeling WAY more important than they actually were. Oddly enough, I miss all of that- the minefields, the snipers, the cheap wine, the food, ALL of it. Sounds crazy, I suppose, but I've seldom felt more alive.
I totally get why that made you feel alive! In fact, that hypervigilance is in itself addictive. And I would LOVE to visit and/or live in Cyprus one day!!!!
Gorgeous article; really enjoyed it and could relate to just about every word you said; especially about being self sufficient and a loner. I’m both, and moved across here with my ex husband (who’s a bit the same) and our two dogs, so we’ve honestly all slipped in relatively effortlessly. Sure, we’ve had some problems; shipping absolutely every single thing here from Australia... cars, belongings, dogs, even ourselves... inevitably resulted in some trauma or another, and a lot of them weren’t cheap traumas either... and getting workers to do any work we need on the place is always a challenge due to language issues and the ‘rich foreigners’ assumption; good thing our place didn’t need any structural work and that we’ve done most of our own renovation work forever anyway... and yes we rarely get invited to anything so far (we’ve been here since July 2020), but I honestly do feel like that’ll change, especially after we’re finished renovating and start inviting people here... at the end of the day, yes there are plenty of issues, but hey I saw how difficult it was for non English speaking foreigners who moved to Australia, so we were prepared for that. And Italy is, as you said, simply the most beautiful thing on earth, the food is on another stratosphere, the locals are genuine, passionate and fiercely alive, and the cost of living is downright laughable compared to Australia, so neither I nor my ex would change that choice for the world :)
Great article, different from the average "how to be an expat in Italy" ones – a real quality. I specially loved the point 1. Coming myself from Brazil (and today being Italian, so I certainly don't have the same "where do I belong" problem), I feel just the same about leaving confort and culture behind me. Sometimes it's difficult, but I love it.
Oh, can I suggest a correction ? It can be by mail, if you prefer.
This post begs the question: Are you happy there?
YES! Most emphatically. But I miss my family, especially since I wasn't able to see them because of the pandemic. Who saw THAT coming? So my heart is always torn. Always.
I lived in Italy for three years, year at a time on three occasions. T wo of the years I studied mosaics in Ravenna and then in Spilimbergo, Friuli Venezia-Giuli. I taught English as a Second Language the first time. So much to say. My Italian got good enough to mingle with Italians easily but then the better your language skills are, the less leeway you are given for the inevitable faux pas. Also, I was in my thirties at the time and the students at the schools were much younger. I longed for stimulating adult conversation. Occasionally, I'd get invited out but it was rare in the small towns. People are closed there. Once, I was invited to a dinner with 14 professional people around my age, I was so happy! Wow! Just what I've been looking for! We had a wonderful time. Someone invited me to come the next time. Great!
That time, people looked at me like I had a contagious disease. Someone actually asked cold as ice, "why are you here?" Found out later that the guy who originally invited me to their little gathering was using me to make his girlfriend jealous. How awful. What a disappointment. So I was back to filling my time alone which I'm quite good at but I thought I was opening a new chapter. Maybe if it had been an honest invitation, I would have been able to make it happen. An Italian woman told me she was give a real scolding for bringing "an outsider" to a gathering of a tight knit group of friends who met regularly.
"Why did you bring her? She's not one of us!" Now we also have to say that these things happened in Northern Italy. It very well might be Completely different in the South. Italians consider Rome South! As an ESL teacher, I was invited out regularly. That was in Tivoli which is immediately outside of Rome. Does that prove the North South theory or was there a deference to the teacher? I don't know. But that is a wonderful option. Please get yourself trained though.
Don't wing it... Learning English means a Lot to people and the courses are not cheap so I always encourage people to have integrity and give the best you can. My two cents.
Well, I'm terribly sorry it didn't work out for you on the social front. What they did was cruel. But it sounds as though you made the best of a negative situation--and hey, you speak passable Italian! I can think of worse things.
It’s the same in the south. I live in a small town and no one wants to be friends , only some sleazy married men. They are very closed minded in the small towns near me ( including mine ) and don’t like outsiders much . My italian is very good but it doesn’t matter. My friends are Italians outside of my town and some other foreigners living in Italy . Sometimes it is very weird because my family is from Southern Italy but I am still made to feel like ‘ why are you here ‘ sometimes too and I am a dual citizen.
I miss being able to travel. I was a couple years in Germany working for an "Uncle." But now, where I've landed and the responsibilities I never asked for, Paducah, KY is an exotic destination. So. IL isn't even a "place," it is merely a location.
You know, Gares, I really understand that distinction.
I was just blogging about it myself, so the difference was at the front of my thoughts when your post came out.
I've lived in Cyprus and Kosovo, though not for nearly as long as you've been in Italy, and I can see a lot of my experience in general outlined in your words. Except in my case you had to throw in a few armies and police forces...all of them carrying automatic weapons and feeling WAY more important than they actually were. Oddly enough, I miss all of that- the minefields, the snipers, the cheap wine, the food, ALL of it. Sounds crazy, I suppose, but I've seldom felt more alive.
I totally get why that made you feel alive! In fact, that hypervigilance is in itself addictive. And I would LOVE to visit and/or live in Cyprus one day!!!!
Gorgeous article; really enjoyed it and could relate to just about every word you said; especially about being self sufficient and a loner. I’m both, and moved across here with my ex husband (who’s a bit the same) and our two dogs, so we’ve honestly all slipped in relatively effortlessly. Sure, we’ve had some problems; shipping absolutely every single thing here from Australia... cars, belongings, dogs, even ourselves... inevitably resulted in some trauma or another, and a lot of them weren’t cheap traumas either... and getting workers to do any work we need on the place is always a challenge due to language issues and the ‘rich foreigners’ assumption; good thing our place didn’t need any structural work and that we’ve done most of our own renovation work forever anyway... and yes we rarely get invited to anything so far (we’ve been here since July 2020), but I honestly do feel like that’ll change, especially after we’re finished renovating and start inviting people here... at the end of the day, yes there are plenty of issues, but hey I saw how difficult it was for non English speaking foreigners who moved to Australia, so we were prepared for that. And Italy is, as you said, simply the most beautiful thing on earth, the food is on another stratosphere, the locals are genuine, passionate and fiercely alive, and the cost of living is downright laughable compared to Australia, so neither I nor my ex would change that choice for the world :)
Great article, different from the average "how to be an expat in Italy" ones – a real quality. I specially loved the point 1. Coming myself from Brazil (and today being Italian, so I certainly don't have the same "where do I belong" problem), I feel just the same about leaving confort and culture behind me. Sometimes it's difficult, but I love it.
Oh, can I suggest a correction ? It can be by mail, if you prefer.
Let me know if you come to Trieste some day !