You did an amazing job of describing the joy and occasional frustration of living in Italia.
We lived in Avellino - a small town outside of Napoli for 2 1/2 years - and your description of the gas bill brought a smile to my face. Our first bill was 1000 Euros and our exchange rate was closer to 1.5 - 1 then.
Also learning how to pay bills is a story my sweetie still tells... No, you don't pay with checks or a credit card, you pay in cash, oh... Then there is the secret - go in, take a number, proceed across the street for a cafe and conversation, then back to the post office counter in time for your number to come up and pay your bill. When you're a 5'8" blonde Americana, people notice, and when one day she didn't come down with our Teddi (our well traveled yorkie-poo) all of the ladies behind the counter asked where the canne was and hoped she was all right.
We never progressed beyond restaurant Italian but always seemed to be able to communicate - I think that must be an Italian super power or something.
Sometimes - especially when you get pulled over while driving, being an Americano seems like a super power - I got stopped twice in one day - on the way to work for driving too fast past an empty monastery and again on the way home for honking at someone turning left in front of me in a "no honk" zone. Both times as soon as I opened my mouth, the police person said, "Vai vai".. and away my unticketed self went. The best traffic stop though was getting "lollipopped" by two carabinieri who were upset that my small dog Teddi was on my lap while we were driving. Despite the fearsome reputation of the carabinieri, I think they had to be laughing when we drove off after being properly admonished.
Of course, one of the treasured experiences is eating in Italia - better still when you've lived there a while and been back once or twice to the same place, your bill, when it comes has a big "X" through it and then a reduced price - the local's discount. We had one restaurant where we couldn't get a bill, we were only asked to leave a tip for the waiter or waitress.
And your description of Italian bureaucracy is spot on. People think that Germans or Swiss are intractable - they don't hold a candle to an Italian bureaucrat who has decided "No". On the other hand, when they decide to say "Yes" rules and regulations are merely guidance for their use of better judgement.
We loved Italy and made life long friends who we visit every other year -- so I'd say we were adopted and adapted, but it is a complicated yet rewarding experience for an American to live in Italy.
I love what you wrote! And of course I can see it so clearly in my mind's eye, including the vision of you speeding past a monastery and then the one of you with the Tedsters on your lap. Priceless! 1200 is the number on our last gas bill. No joke. Thanks, Uncle Vladdy. And I can't tell you how many times I've been pulled over, put on my derpiest blonde Valley girl accent, and had the carabiniero just wave me on. It pays to play the dumb American.
It's all worth it. Every minute. I wouldn't trade it for any damn thing. I love this country so much it physically hurts.
Looking at the top photo, my thought was: "First thing to know: Nonna will never approve of you."
It made me very happy that you mentioned eudaimonia ("eudaimonic happiness.")
For some context, many pet owners will have heard of "Eukanuba." This is a Greek phrase that pretty literally translates as "healthy (eu) dog (kanuba)." So *EU*-daimonia means "well" or "healthy" "daimonia", which can be translated as "spirit" or "soul" or "living essence." I'm coming at this from a background in Greek philosophy and a little Greek language, most especially from Aristotle's 'Nicomachean Ethics.' Translators universally render "eudaimonia" as "happiness," and they should, without exception, be strung up by the ankles and bastanadoed until they bleed from the eyes. Such a translation is manifestly inexcusable.
A more appropriate translation would be "human flourishing."
Note how we simply do not have a word for that in English. Eudaimonia, "human flourishing," goes well beyond hedonia, "pleasure," in much the same way that the surface of the sun goes beyond "hot." It certainly incorporates the Maslow hierarchy; I'm not yet convinced that Stacey's third position actually is a third position at all so much as a completion of eudaimonia. But neither am I convinced that it is a point worth arguing. Lest it somehow be unclear, I approach the term from a philosophical rather than a psychological perspective.
I've occasionally thought about learning Spanish and moving South -- Mexico, Belize for instance. But leaving behind my medical coverage and (most likely) my cats, simply is not an option.
Living overseas is never, EVER what you think it is. Period. End of story. The sooner you get rid of whatever fantasy you're operating under, the better off you'll be. That's going to be true anywhere...except maybe Canada. Things just don't work the way they do in the USofA. That's not good or bad, it's just the way things are. If you can't adapt, you might as well stay on the farm in Iowa.
If you're moving to a foreign land, YOU are the one who's going to have to adapt. Learn a bit of the language- "Hello." "Thank you." "Good bye." "How much for your daughter?" The locals likely won't expect fluency, but they will appreciate that you're making an effort to communicate in their tongue.
Expect that the changes will take a while to get used to. My culture shock moment was discovering that pizza in Cyprus didn't come with tomato sauce. It hits all of us differently. Once I got over that trauma, I loved being where I was. I had experiences that stick with me 30+ years later. It's what you make of it, if you choose to take advantage of it.
Mr Cluth , ( This is in jest) But having grown up on a farm in Iowa, I feel better adjusted to life aboard. Modern conveniences are not common and adaptations and adjustments are part of daily life. Not having a shopping mall or movie theater forces one to do character studies of your friends. Getting 3 TV stations, if the antenna is working that day, quickly ends your television dependency. Farm life is actually good training.😊 Hope you get my jest
As an American expat living in the south of France I have a different perspective. I find life in European cities infinitely more convenient than the automobile centric lifestyle of the US suburbs. I did that for much of my life and it was, for me, a fate worse than death.
Living here in Nice France I have everything that I need in life within 200 m of my front door. small grocery stores, bakeries of course, produce stands, pharmacies, hardware and home accessories. Innumerable cafes and restaurants.
I have two tram stops within 300 m of my door. They will take me to the Nice main train station in 15 minutes for 1 euro. From there I can go anywhere in this magnificent region of the French Riviera in less than an hour.
Or I can take the same tram to the airport and fly to Rome or Paris or Barcelona in 90 minutes. London in 2 hours. Berlin or my beloved Warsaw, in two and a half hours. On a discount airline that might cost me $50 or $29.
Do I miss the super Walmart super Target experience. Hell no! In fact there's a super Carrefour just five blocks away from me. You could hardly tell the difference between it and a super Walmart except for the high end gourmet foods section. The place is so big and inconvenient, I avoid it like the plague.
I can take the tram or the train out to the suburbs for the big box store experience like Leroy Merlin or Ikea. But why, when there are so many small merchants selling the same products in their little stores for a few euros more. It's well worth the convenience and the personal relationship that you develop with the proprietors. You need a step ladder? You go to the neighborhood bricolage guy a block down the street, and you get a 2 m aluminum ladder and you walk home with it. Badda bing bada boom, 10 minutes.
No. I'm sorry. Life in Europe is far more convenient and far easier than dealing with the necessity to get in the car and fight your way through traffic and fight your way through these massive big box stores looking for one item that you need, or to do anything you need to do in life. You waste an hour and a half doing all that.
Unless you're living in New York or Boston or Philadelphia or Chicago, you waste half of your life sitting in your car or wandering around a big box store in a faceless impersonal giant shopping center parking lot. It deadens the soul.
And the dirty little secret is that life in Southern European cities, particularly housing, costs a fraction of what it cost to live in the best cities in America.
You nailed it - this is responsible and perfectly articulated. Frances Mayes' book turned Cortona into an Italian theme park for foreigners. Pre-fab and pure awful. Now, if I had a dime for every idiot article encouraging foreigners to move to Abruzzo...
I have had a long history with this region and 3 years ago I moved here (in the past Campania for 8 years - not for the faint of heart). I had a bit of cash and it is a more affordable area to buy. Due to all the press via news articles and British TV shows promoting relocation, I now see foreigners moving here in droves. Some are even buying sight unseen. Do I even need to say what a bad idea that is? The influx is MADNESS & TERRIFYING. The entitlement, arrogance and cluelessness I am witnessing is cringeworthy - these are posers at best. It seems like the quintessential way for these folks to show off to their friends on social media. Make no mistake, learning a few words and phrases badly making a token Italian friend or 2 , is not integration and if one is not willing to learn the language, really dive in and make an effort, stay home.
Well done analysis. It is my observation that those Americans who move here and thrive have learned to seriously recalibrate their understanding of the meaning of "convenience". Especially in small-to medium size towns and villages where if one makes an effort to assimilate, convenience is redefined as forgetting your wallet and the butcher waving you off saying to pay the next time you come by, the gentleman at the bar with whom you have a nodding acquaintance paying for your coffee, the lady at the nursery calling after several weeks of searching for the seeds for the pickling cucumbers you mentioned you wanted in passing...and a million other examples. Even waiting on-line at the dreaded post office can be a chance to connect and commiserate in the shared experience of frustration. Every time I go back to the US, I am stressed out and worn down by the sheer grind of getting through the day, not to mention traumatized by the expense (and condition!) of acquiring fresh local foods. I am sadly sensing that as more Americans arrive with their expectations of either recreating their lives in the US, or their determination to turn Italian towns into Disneyland versions of themselves, that much of what most of us love (and sometimes hate but shrug off as the price of living here) will be seriously eroded.
Having lived abroad, i particularly resonated with your paragraph « cringing » at demonstrated American « attitudes ». You were being polite. Id call them obnoxious & arrogant behaviors . It is not just Americans though; i witness it all the time by Brits, Germans & Chinese when abroad. No coincidence—3 of the largest economic powers in the world.
I also read on various expat pages all too many deciding on a whim or the basis of one or two vacations, to move to a place without researching all aspects of living in that country theyve targeted. Im amazed also that so many de ide to move or retire in a place without speaking the local language. (Even worde is to read their whining about the local culture after they do relocate.) I am so glad you shared your well-written article; many would do well to read it before a relo.
Excellent essay and the same goes for rural France, breathtakingly beautiful, frustrating, work/life balance at its best, oh and the bureaucracy, get used to it, learn the language, and Assimilate!
Soooo many people described me as brave for going to live in Morocco, especially without my Moroccan husband. I found that curious for them to say that. I found it positively exhilarating, exciting, frustrating and FUN! Full disclosure: I did get bored sometimes as I was trying to figure out how to get around so would end up sitting in the house too much. Other than that, it was good. The downfall was when my husband came to visit for a long time then had the nerve to leave just because he had to go back to work! I was devastated and the depression set in and I eventually headed out.
Brilliant! I grew up a global nomad (Iran and Italy) and have now lived in France for the past 28 years. I attribute my survival to avoiding officialdom wherever possible. That said, I once ended up paying over 500 euros for a 35 euro speeding ticket by avoiding officialdom!
It might help knowing that even in our beautiful Italy you can have your bills send to your bank account directly… I think you call it “standing order” non need to que anymore unless you enjoy it! We are becoming more efficient… or not?
I can give you a rough estimate on the fail rate. I lived in Phoenix Arizona for 40 years. We regularly tied with Mami for the number 1 domestic travel destination.
Phoenix keeps track of new residents. It's critical in a city that went from 130,000 residents in 1975 to 6 MILLON in 2010. Roughly 50% of new residents leave within 5 years. People came to Phoenix from sub zero temperatures in January and decided "what a great vacation. Let's move here!!" Sound familiar?
So yes of those 10,000 Elective Residency visas issued by the US consulates? Within 5 years? Probably half will no longer be in use. And that's being optimistic. Life is easy, Italy is hard.
You did an amazing job of describing the joy and occasional frustration of living in Italia.
We lived in Avellino - a small town outside of Napoli for 2 1/2 years - and your description of the gas bill brought a smile to my face. Our first bill was 1000 Euros and our exchange rate was closer to 1.5 - 1 then.
Also learning how to pay bills is a story my sweetie still tells... No, you don't pay with checks or a credit card, you pay in cash, oh... Then there is the secret - go in, take a number, proceed across the street for a cafe and conversation, then back to the post office counter in time for your number to come up and pay your bill. When you're a 5'8" blonde Americana, people notice, and when one day she didn't come down with our Teddi (our well traveled yorkie-poo) all of the ladies behind the counter asked where the canne was and hoped she was all right.
We never progressed beyond restaurant Italian but always seemed to be able to communicate - I think that must be an Italian super power or something.
Sometimes - especially when you get pulled over while driving, being an Americano seems like a super power - I got stopped twice in one day - on the way to work for driving too fast past an empty monastery and again on the way home for honking at someone turning left in front of me in a "no honk" zone. Both times as soon as I opened my mouth, the police person said, "Vai vai".. and away my unticketed self went. The best traffic stop though was getting "lollipopped" by two carabinieri who were upset that my small dog Teddi was on my lap while we were driving. Despite the fearsome reputation of the carabinieri, I think they had to be laughing when we drove off after being properly admonished.
Of course, one of the treasured experiences is eating in Italia - better still when you've lived there a while and been back once or twice to the same place, your bill, when it comes has a big "X" through it and then a reduced price - the local's discount. We had one restaurant where we couldn't get a bill, we were only asked to leave a tip for the waiter or waitress.
And your description of Italian bureaucracy is spot on. People think that Germans or Swiss are intractable - they don't hold a candle to an Italian bureaucrat who has decided "No". On the other hand, when they decide to say "Yes" rules and regulations are merely guidance for their use of better judgement.
We loved Italy and made life long friends who we visit every other year -- so I'd say we were adopted and adapted, but it is a complicated yet rewarding experience for an American to live in Italy.
I love what you wrote! And of course I can see it so clearly in my mind's eye, including the vision of you speeding past a monastery and then the one of you with the Tedsters on your lap. Priceless! 1200 is the number on our last gas bill. No joke. Thanks, Uncle Vladdy. And I can't tell you how many times I've been pulled over, put on my derpiest blonde Valley girl accent, and had the carabiniero just wave me on. It pays to play the dumb American.
It's all worth it. Every minute. I wouldn't trade it for any damn thing. I love this country so much it physically hurts.
Seriously, Stacey, are you writing these gems about life as an ex-pat in Italia just for me?
And for me (having just survived the Byzantine Italian real estate purchase process)!
I STILL don’t know how you survived it. I’m guessing it’s because you’re brilliant—and a law expert :-)
YES. Especially for you. Girl, next time I'm in Hellston, we have got to go for coffee.
Looking at the top photo, my thought was: "First thing to know: Nonna will never approve of you."
It made me very happy that you mentioned eudaimonia ("eudaimonic happiness.")
For some context, many pet owners will have heard of "Eukanuba." This is a Greek phrase that pretty literally translates as "healthy (eu) dog (kanuba)." So *EU*-daimonia means "well" or "healthy" "daimonia", which can be translated as "spirit" or "soul" or "living essence." I'm coming at this from a background in Greek philosophy and a little Greek language, most especially from Aristotle's 'Nicomachean Ethics.' Translators universally render "eudaimonia" as "happiness," and they should, without exception, be strung up by the ankles and bastanadoed until they bleed from the eyes. Such a translation is manifestly inexcusable.
A more appropriate translation would be "human flourishing."
Note how we simply do not have a word for that in English. Eudaimonia, "human flourishing," goes well beyond hedonia, "pleasure," in much the same way that the surface of the sun goes beyond "hot." It certainly incorporates the Maslow hierarchy; I'm not yet convinced that Stacey's third position actually is a third position at all so much as a completion of eudaimonia. But neither am I convinced that it is a point worth arguing. Lest it somehow be unclear, I approach the term from a philosophical rather than a psychological perspective.
I've occasionally thought about learning Spanish and moving South -- Mexico, Belize for instance. But leaving behind my medical coverage and (most likely) my cats, simply is not an option.
You have GREAT medical coverage where you're at, and Gares, that is no small thing. Mexico and Belize can always be visited.
Loved the Greek lesson.
Living overseas is never, EVER what you think it is. Period. End of story. The sooner you get rid of whatever fantasy you're operating under, the better off you'll be. That's going to be true anywhere...except maybe Canada. Things just don't work the way they do in the USofA. That's not good or bad, it's just the way things are. If you can't adapt, you might as well stay on the farm in Iowa.
If you're moving to a foreign land, YOU are the one who's going to have to adapt. Learn a bit of the language- "Hello." "Thank you." "Good bye." "How much for your daughter?" The locals likely won't expect fluency, but they will appreciate that you're making an effort to communicate in their tongue.
Expect that the changes will take a while to get used to. My culture shock moment was discovering that pizza in Cyprus didn't come with tomato sauce. It hits all of us differently. Once I got over that trauma, I loved being where I was. I had experiences that stick with me 30+ years later. It's what you make of it, if you choose to take advantage of it.
You understand EVERYTHING. And "How much for your daughter" made me laugh so hard, I think I pulled something.
Ah, my work here is done. 🤭
Mr Cluth , ( This is in jest) But having grown up on a farm in Iowa, I feel better adjusted to life aboard. Modern conveniences are not common and adaptations and adjustments are part of daily life. Not having a shopping mall or movie theater forces one to do character studies of your friends. Getting 3 TV stations, if the antenna is working that day, quickly ends your television dependency. Farm life is actually good training.😊 Hope you get my jest
As an American expat living in the south of France I have a different perspective. I find life in European cities infinitely more convenient than the automobile centric lifestyle of the US suburbs. I did that for much of my life and it was, for me, a fate worse than death.
Living here in Nice France I have everything that I need in life within 200 m of my front door. small grocery stores, bakeries of course, produce stands, pharmacies, hardware and home accessories. Innumerable cafes and restaurants.
I have two tram stops within 300 m of my door. They will take me to the Nice main train station in 15 minutes for 1 euro. From there I can go anywhere in this magnificent region of the French Riviera in less than an hour.
Or I can take the same tram to the airport and fly to Rome or Paris or Barcelona in 90 minutes. London in 2 hours. Berlin or my beloved Warsaw, in two and a half hours. On a discount airline that might cost me $50 or $29.
Do I miss the super Walmart super Target experience. Hell no! In fact there's a super Carrefour just five blocks away from me. You could hardly tell the difference between it and a super Walmart except for the high end gourmet foods section. The place is so big and inconvenient, I avoid it like the plague.
I can take the tram or the train out to the suburbs for the big box store experience like Leroy Merlin or Ikea. But why, when there are so many small merchants selling the same products in their little stores for a few euros more. It's well worth the convenience and the personal relationship that you develop with the proprietors. You need a step ladder? You go to the neighborhood bricolage guy a block down the street, and you get a 2 m aluminum ladder and you walk home with it. Badda bing bada boom, 10 minutes.
No. I'm sorry. Life in Europe is far more convenient and far easier than dealing with the necessity to get in the car and fight your way through traffic and fight your way through these massive big box stores looking for one item that you need, or to do anything you need to do in life. You waste an hour and a half doing all that.
Unless you're living in New York or Boston or Philadelphia or Chicago, you waste half of your life sitting in your car or wandering around a big box store in a faceless impersonal giant shopping center parking lot. It deadens the soul.
And the dirty little secret is that life in Southern European cities, particularly housing, costs a fraction of what it cost to live in the best cities in America.
Shhhh! Don't tell anybody. 😊
You nailed it - this is responsible and perfectly articulated. Frances Mayes' book turned Cortona into an Italian theme park for foreigners. Pre-fab and pure awful. Now, if I had a dime for every idiot article encouraging foreigners to move to Abruzzo...
I have had a long history with this region and 3 years ago I moved here (in the past Campania for 8 years - not for the faint of heart). I had a bit of cash and it is a more affordable area to buy. Due to all the press via news articles and British TV shows promoting relocation, I now see foreigners moving here in droves. Some are even buying sight unseen. Do I even need to say what a bad idea that is? The influx is MADNESS & TERRIFYING. The entitlement, arrogance and cluelessness I am witnessing is cringeworthy - these are posers at best. It seems like the quintessential way for these folks to show off to their friends on social media. Make no mistake, learning a few words and phrases badly making a token Italian friend or 2 , is not integration and if one is not willing to learn the language, really dive in and make an effort, stay home.
Well done analysis. It is my observation that those Americans who move here and thrive have learned to seriously recalibrate their understanding of the meaning of "convenience". Especially in small-to medium size towns and villages where if one makes an effort to assimilate, convenience is redefined as forgetting your wallet and the butcher waving you off saying to pay the next time you come by, the gentleman at the bar with whom you have a nodding acquaintance paying for your coffee, the lady at the nursery calling after several weeks of searching for the seeds for the pickling cucumbers you mentioned you wanted in passing...and a million other examples. Even waiting on-line at the dreaded post office can be a chance to connect and commiserate in the shared experience of frustration. Every time I go back to the US, I am stressed out and worn down by the sheer grind of getting through the day, not to mention traumatized by the expense (and condition!) of acquiring fresh local foods. I am sadly sensing that as more Americans arrive with their expectations of either recreating their lives in the US, or their determination to turn Italian towns into Disneyland versions of themselves, that much of what most of us love (and sometimes hate but shrug off as the price of living here) will be seriously eroded.
Yes, that's it exactly.
Love your writing
Always happy and excited to see a new one
My wife and I have been struggling with deciding to make the move or not. Your articles help
Thanks
Having lived abroad, i particularly resonated with your paragraph « cringing » at demonstrated American « attitudes ». You were being polite. Id call them obnoxious & arrogant behaviors . It is not just Americans though; i witness it all the time by Brits, Germans & Chinese when abroad. No coincidence—3 of the largest economic powers in the world.
I also read on various expat pages all too many deciding on a whim or the basis of one or two vacations, to move to a place without researching all aspects of living in that country theyve targeted. Im amazed also that so many de ide to move or retire in a place without speaking the local language. (Even worde is to read their whining about the local culture after they do relocate.) I am so glad you shared your well-written article; many would do well to read it before a relo.
Excellent essay and the same goes for rural France, breathtakingly beautiful, frustrating, work/life balance at its best, oh and the bureaucracy, get used to it, learn the language, and Assimilate!
Soooo many people described me as brave for going to live in Morocco, especially without my Moroccan husband. I found that curious for them to say that. I found it positively exhilarating, exciting, frustrating and FUN! Full disclosure: I did get bored sometimes as I was trying to figure out how to get around so would end up sitting in the house too much. Other than that, it was good. The downfall was when my husband came to visit for a long time then had the nerve to leave just because he had to go back to work! I was devastated and the depression set in and I eventually headed out.
Brilliant! I grew up a global nomad (Iran and Italy) and have now lived in France for the past 28 years. I attribute my survival to avoiding officialdom wherever possible. That said, I once ended up paying over 500 euros for a 35 euro speeding ticket by avoiding officialdom!
It might help knowing that even in our beautiful Italy you can have your bills send to your bank account directly… I think you call it “standing order” non need to que anymore unless you enjoy it! We are becoming more efficient… or not?
I can give you a rough estimate on the fail rate. I lived in Phoenix Arizona for 40 years. We regularly tied with Mami for the number 1 domestic travel destination.
Phoenix keeps track of new residents. It's critical in a city that went from 130,000 residents in 1975 to 6 MILLON in 2010. Roughly 50% of new residents leave within 5 years. People came to Phoenix from sub zero temperatures in January and decided "what a great vacation. Let's move here!!" Sound familiar?
So yes of those 10,000 Elective Residency visas issued by the US consulates? Within 5 years? Probably half will no longer be in use. And that's being optimistic. Life is easy, Italy is hard.
Amen, amen, amen. So well said and so well written. Thank you.