It's not short, but I promise you it's worth it, and it might change the way you look at your life. “I’d dig out a kidney, put it in an ice chest, and sell it on the black market to go to that thing,” I told Joyce. “Imagine being able to study with someone like that.” Never could I have imagined how twenty-three (mostly) one-syllable words would radically deconstruct my universe.
I love you Stacey! this is SO RICH. I laughed so many times! "You don’t invite women to Italy to the tune of several thousand dollars per person and then put the kibosh on wine." just collapsed me. Thank you for this wonderful story.
Right now, my love story is about taking care of my husband when he's unwell. And the good part: bad health is not a test of our love. We are so unwell we are selling our software companies (to my great relief) and retiring for real.
But when we got together, it was very tempestuous. I was leaving a bad marriage, Jason had been alone for a while...... and we were just coming off a huge community drama in which a longstanding community group was undergoing a painful schism. Jason *really* did not like the way I handled the schism, and truthfully, he did not like me.
But it turned out that polar opposites---when they can work it out between them---really do make a very strong couple. The Tarot card of our union is the Ace of Swords: the two sharp edges cut differently but they are both sharp as shit. And the card that came up for us on our wedding day almost eleven years ago: The Fool, card zero. The start of a Grand Adventure.
Love and blessings, dear one. I'll share your wonderful story with my closest 3K friends on FB and hope someone subscribes..... like I am about to do.
You'll be happy to read, I hope, that I am in final edits with the Tarot deck guide I finished writing a couple of months ago. I have already started writing a second book, and reached out to a dear friend who works for one of the Witch publishing houses over the weekend.
You are just the coolest, most fascinating human, Caroline. I loved reading what you wrote here. And YES to you and the hubs selling your business! Time to relax, dammit! Time to put up your dogs and let life come to you for a while. I have great faith in your ability to make a success out of anything. Even above and beyond your lovely brand of witchcraft ;-)
I've been through two marriages. Erin is my third (and, as she's wont to declare, final) marriage. I've never been very good at honoring what I want and need. It's taken me years of counseling to get to know myself well enough to recognize that if I don't satisfy my needs, not only will I be miserable, but anyone in close proximity will suffer as well. Thankfully, I've found someone confident enough in herself and her own worth that she's decided to hang on for the ride.
What I've learned through my travels, the heartbreak, and the wreckage I've left behind is that happiness isn't something that leaps into your arms. More often than not, it will kick you in the nuts and leave you bleeding in the street before you recognize it for what it is. It can be WAY too easy to look past, over, and around it...because the tendency is to believe that happiness isn't something we deserve. At least that's the way it's been for me- I don't deserve good things because I'm not a good person. Turns out I'm the only one who felt that way about myself.
It's hard to be open and vulnerable. It can be terrifying to believe in yourself enough to trust another person with your heart...especially after a parade of callous snots have stomped that sucker flat a few times. I love your story because you found a way to do that...AND you had people in your life who loved you enough to sponsor your journey into the unknown.
None of us get out of this alive, and none of us can do it alone. We're all making this up as we go; some of us are just better at recognizing and grasping our great good fortune than others.
Never stop doing what makes you happy and makes you unique...though I'd recommend stopping short of digging out a kidney and putting it in an ice chest. That's never going to end well....
Another beautifully-written essay. Thank you for sharing so much. I also loved the description of the writer's workshop and that awful woman who led it. What an egotist that woman is. lol. I'm so happy you found what you have. So few people do, but it does take courage and the willingness to dive in and take those kinds of risks.
And sometimes taking risks will kick your ass into a brand new shape. But we have to do it sometimes. We have to let go of the branch and sail down the river. Otherwise, we die in all sorts of ways that aren't immediately obvious.
BAHAHAHAHAHA! I ALMOST put that in after the "I'm a jazz drummer" line--because it WAS my thought at that moment. Jazz drummer? Who on hell's half acre makes any money as a jazz drummer?
Stacey, what a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing so intimately. John is one of a kind. Like yourself I knew he was a special person right away. There is a confident but unassuming air about him. He is deep, too. I am so happy for him that he found someone like you, and happy for you, too. During our time in Manhattan, John and I had a number of fun chats, I tutored him in photography, where he he has a talent as a true artist, and we both loved jazz. It was in the mid 1990’s or so when we met in NYC. He lived in a modest apartment near the bus terminal. At that time, he had lived 16 years in Italy and 16 in New York, and he was trying to sort out which place would he stay in. After a few years, Italy got the nod. Around the sane time, I had decided Arizona would be my future home. I miss John terribly.
John ADORES you. If you guys were in NYC right now, it would be as though no one ever left. You'd talk for hours and hours. You and John will always be friends. And yes, I do love him. He's the greatest love of my life, hands down. Thank you for seeing what an exceptional man he is.
I love you Stacey! this is SO RICH. I laughed so many times! "You don’t invite women to Italy to the tune of several thousand dollars per person and then put the kibosh on wine." just collapsed me. Thank you for this wonderful story.
Right now, my love story is about taking care of my husband when he's unwell. And the good part: bad health is not a test of our love. We are so unwell we are selling our software companies (to my great relief) and retiring for real.
But when we got together, it was very tempestuous. I was leaving a bad marriage, Jason had been alone for a while...... and we were just coming off a huge community drama in which a longstanding community group was undergoing a painful schism. Jason *really* did not like the way I handled the schism, and truthfully, he did not like me.
But it turned out that polar opposites---when they can work it out between them---really do make a very strong couple. The Tarot card of our union is the Ace of Swords: the two sharp edges cut differently but they are both sharp as shit. And the card that came up for us on our wedding day almost eleven years ago: The Fool, card zero. The start of a Grand Adventure.
Love and blessings, dear one. I'll share your wonderful story with my closest 3K friends on FB and hope someone subscribes..... like I am about to do.
You'll be happy to read, I hope, that I am in final edits with the Tarot deck guide I finished writing a couple of months ago. I have already started writing a second book, and reached out to a dear friend who works for one of the Witch publishing houses over the weekend.
You are just the coolest, most fascinating human, Caroline. I loved reading what you wrote here. And YES to you and the hubs selling your business! Time to relax, dammit! Time to put up your dogs and let life come to you for a while. I have great faith in your ability to make a success out of anything. Even above and beyond your lovely brand of witchcraft ;-)
I've been through two marriages. Erin is my third (and, as she's wont to declare, final) marriage. I've never been very good at honoring what I want and need. It's taken me years of counseling to get to know myself well enough to recognize that if I don't satisfy my needs, not only will I be miserable, but anyone in close proximity will suffer as well. Thankfully, I've found someone confident enough in herself and her own worth that she's decided to hang on for the ride.
What I've learned through my travels, the heartbreak, and the wreckage I've left behind is that happiness isn't something that leaps into your arms. More often than not, it will kick you in the nuts and leave you bleeding in the street before you recognize it for what it is. It can be WAY too easy to look past, over, and around it...because the tendency is to believe that happiness isn't something we deserve. At least that's the way it's been for me- I don't deserve good things because I'm not a good person. Turns out I'm the only one who felt that way about myself.
It's hard to be open and vulnerable. It can be terrifying to believe in yourself enough to trust another person with your heart...especially after a parade of callous snots have stomped that sucker flat a few times. I love your story because you found a way to do that...AND you had people in your life who loved you enough to sponsor your journey into the unknown.
None of us get out of this alive, and none of us can do it alone. We're all making this up as we go; some of us are just better at recognizing and grasping our great good fortune than others.
Never stop doing what makes you happy and makes you unique...though I'd recommend stopping short of digging out a kidney and putting it in an ice chest. That's never going to end well....
You are just a superb writer. I know you know that. But it bears repeating. I loved everything you said.
Aww, shucks, Gomer....y'all gonna go and make me blush....
Another beautifully-written essay. Thank you for sharing so much. I also loved the description of the writer's workshop and that awful woman who led it. What an egotist that woman is. lol. I'm so happy you found what you have. So few people do, but it does take courage and the willingness to dive in and take those kinds of risks.
And sometimes taking risks will kick your ass into a brand new shape. But we have to do it sometimes. We have to let go of the branch and sail down the river. Otherwise, we die in all sorts of ways that aren't immediately obvious.
No stories to tell, but the logician in me was briefly confused by this line: no "drinking wine and speaking before 1PM."
This could mean, "No drinking wine before 1PM AND no speaking before 1PM" or
"No drinking wine at all, and no speaking before 1PM." The first was acceptable, the second I have set the place on fire that day.
Also, "I'm a jazz drummer" fails to explain how a person can afford anything. It gave me a chuckle that John thought it settled matters on the spot.
Thanks for sharing the above.
BAHAHAHAHAHA! I ALMOST put that in after the "I'm a jazz drummer" line--because it WAS my thought at that moment. Jazz drummer? Who on hell's half acre makes any money as a jazz drummer?
Stacey, what a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing so intimately. John is one of a kind. Like yourself I knew he was a special person right away. There is a confident but unassuming air about him. He is deep, too. I am so happy for him that he found someone like you, and happy for you, too. During our time in Manhattan, John and I had a number of fun chats, I tutored him in photography, where he he has a talent as a true artist, and we both loved jazz. It was in the mid 1990’s or so when we met in NYC. He lived in a modest apartment near the bus terminal. At that time, he had lived 16 years in Italy and 16 in New York, and he was trying to sort out which place would he stay in. After a few years, Italy got the nod. Around the sane time, I had decided Arizona would be my future home. I miss John terribly.
John ADORES you. If you guys were in NYC right now, it would be as though no one ever left. You'd talk for hours and hours. You and John will always be friends. And yes, I do love him. He's the greatest love of my life, hands down. Thank you for seeing what an exceptional man he is.
I am so glad for each of you. Although I don’t miss NYC, I do miss the times I hung out with John.
Great inspiring story!