RECIPE: The Guacamole You Need to Make Today

It's a dip, a condiment, AND a salad dressing! The mind boggles!

Photo by Yakshi Virmani.

As a kid growing up in the old mission lands of Pasadena, California, I took for granted the fact that you could spit and something would grow. My godmother’s house was an arboretum of plum trees, pumpkin vines, strawberry pots, and the grande dame of the backyard: a production factory of an avocado tree. It was an embarrassment of riches, that tree. Its bounty could have financed the overthrow of any tin pot dictator in South America.

My godmother used to bribe me with cans of cream soda to go up the ladder to harvest those avocados. I hated doing it. Those things were everywhere, like cut-glass pendants dangling from a leafy, green chandelier. But I liked cream soda more than I hated standing on that ladder, so every Saturday morning, I plucked avocados and handed them down, and then the grownups made guacamole, which I found disgusting.

Yes, I said disgusting. Maybe it was the texture. I don’t remember because it’s been so many years since I’ve hated avocados. Now, they’re the apex of my food pyramid.

I dream of avocados. I long for the creamy, buttery flavor of the ones from Mexico (32% of the avocado market, by the way). More avocados flow over the border than cocaine, I am sure of it.

Photo by Bethany Randall

Here in Italy, they are far scarcer and far more expensive. It’s hard to find any good ones. The avocados at the supermarket are hard as a rock and stay that way for two weeks. There’s what seems to be a twelve-hour window where you can eat them. Miss said window, and you’re looking at a sludgy, brown mess.

Then we moved to Umbria. Right up the street is a fruit store run by an Egyptian man who practices some kind of alchemy on the fruit. His avocados are perfect, and I’ve eaten so many this summer, I might sprout leaves. Life is nothing if not deliciously ironic. Here I was swimming in avocados as a child. Now I’d stab somebody in the neck for one.

So, a few fun facts about avocados that you can whip out at your next dinner party. For the obvious reasons of shape and texture, they used to be called “alligator pears.” Botanically, avocados are berries. Large ones. They are naughty self-pollinators, which usually requires some form of grafting in order to ensure uniformity of the fruit. Because of their subtle flavor, avocados can be used in savory and sweet dishes, although I strongly prefer the former, especially in a well-seaoned, fresh guacamole, the best recipe for which I am about to give you. Enjoy!

Kickass Guacamole

3 avocados, peeled, pitted, and mashed with a fork (the slight chunkiness makes it better than a blender)

1 lime, juiced

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 cup diced onion

(optional) 3 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro (I’m that genetic subset which experiences cilantro as soap, so skip it if you don’t like it)

2 plum tomatoes, diced

1 teaspoon minced garlic

(optional) 1 pinch ground cayenne pepper

In a glass bowl (metal bowls make citrus taste funky, in my opinion), mix and mash the avocados, lime juice, and salt. Next, mix in the onion, cilantro (if you’re using it), and tomatoes. Now, “salt in” or sprinkle the garlic. Mix, mix, mix. Make sure it doesn’t clump, or someone’s going to be in for a nasty surprise. Cover and refrigerate for one hour or serve immediately with your favorite tortilla chips, celery, or carrot sticks.

It’s the ultimate summer appetizer, right?

Buon appetito!