Do you suppose, before you leave, that you could convene a gathering of your Italy-based readers in some amiable bar where we could kiss your cheeks to say hello then sit awhile for the kind of chit chat that might stick in the mind for a decade or so? In Amelia perhaps. None of us are completely real to one another, words being what they are, and the Internet being what it is, and the Atlantic being so vast, so putting names to faces might stir real sugar into the various abstractions of Cappuccino and sweeten our goodbyes.
Oh, oh, I could use those kisses! I LOVE kisses. I'm a kissy, huggy, tactile sort for sure. "None of us are completely real to one another" is sadly true. We present one side (the online side) but that's no substitute for the real thing. I'll tell you what though. I may not be able to coordinate a summit meeting this time, but I might be able to do it in the future. Something to shoot for, right? Until then, Cappuccino will be our sanctuary.
I hope you're hearing me when I tell you this, but you are the single most inspiring person I know. Your brilliance and imagination, combined, make you such a unique presence in the world. If you say I can do it, I can do it. But hold a candle to Anita Ekberg? No way! Still, maybe a different take on "woman in Trevi Fountain." I could be floating facedown, for instance ... :-)
I’m so so sorry. I can feel your anguish in your writing. I’m going to give you the advice my mother gave me when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Go into the bathroom and bury your face in a towel and cry as long and as hard as you need to. It sounds bizarre but it was good advice. Good luck to you and your furs (another good cry). Wishing you some peace during this.
DEAR GOD. You went through a breast cancer diagnosis? Oh, Lisa. You are strong beyond the telling of it. Wow. I have endless amounts of admiration for you. And yes, I like your mother's towel idea a LOT. You can really let go if you know no one can see you!
Stacey, darling dear, you must have me confused with another Barbara.... Have I had UnSurvivable Shit in my life? Honestly, I think I've been mostly fine. However, I am glad to help inspire friends with my gold standard--even though I am iron pyrite.
Now, about those boots. My last two pairs of hiking boots have fallen apart just when they were getting comfortable. I have mild bunions which don't really hurt, but I would really rather walk around in soft cloth shoes. But I need boots for the occasional hike, geology field trip and for wintertime dog walking. The Fishermen's supply clothing department had several more versions of cheap boots for $50 which would have worked, and lasted a year. Then I saw the Crispis. Every detail exquisite, smooth inner seams, lots of eyelets and hooks, little red dots on the toe clip indicating right from left, a card teaching you how to clean your boots, oh, and waterproof! These beauts were 20% off on that hot July day, so the original price ($350) was not that scary. Besides, they are going to last much longer than a year. I hope to wear them out, but in the meantime, they needed NO breaking in. Italians know how to make shoes. And Italy knows how to make memories. Look out, NYC. xoxo
On my feed, your response immediately followed Barbara Banks's response, so stupid me, I thought I was answering the same Barbara! A brain is a terrible thing to have fall apart on you like that. And poor Barbara Banks really HAS been through some shit. I take enormous comfort knowing that was not the case with you. ENORMOUS comfort.
I'm still intrigued by these Crispis. You paint a picture. Waterproofing = extra good. All those feature benefits AND Italian? Mama's gonna have to save her pennies so for a pair of these!
So sorry to hear you're leaving Italy Stacey. But clearly it's only going to be a physical departure. Your heart, your whole being will have been possessed by Italy's intensive magic for life .... and isn't that enough!
Meh. I'm going to belittle your grief, if only to remind you that I'm an asshole who loves you beyond belief, and that the magic you found IN Italy and that which you brought TO the old country will stay with you and in you. Besides, you're a quality of person who brings fabulousness with her. You could wind up living in the suburbs and *still* rout out the glorious, the pathetic, the misbegotten and the eerily sublime. I'll wait.
Hi! Your cappuccino totally broke my heart. My wife and I are going through the same thing. My wife is flying back home (Brazil) on Tuesday and I'll stay in Italy for a couple of months longer since I have business to take care of. My son lived with us for 2 years but moved back last year. Although Im happy to be able to spend time with my son, the pain I feel is excruciating. I've learned to love this country although Italy can drive you nuts. BTW loved your article on the 12 things you won't miss. Thanks for sharing your story.
NO! Oh, Eduardo, I don't want you to be sad. I hate that you're sad. But yes, we are in the same boat, I'm afraid, having to leave the country of our heart. Was your son able to work remotely? He must have had his reasons for leaving. And soooooo many young Italians are leaving, as you know. Italy is a gerontocracy. Not much upward mobility for the next generation. I'm afraid that's a big part of the problem.
Hugs, dear fellow Italophile. We'll find our way. I feel certain of it.
What a gut wrenching decision for you and John to have to make. For the last nine years, you have painted such a vivid picture of Italy, the people and culture, that I long to go there.
I hope that you will connect with Karma when you get to NYC. She is loving living back there.
There’s no doubt in my mind that you and John will find your tribe through music and the written word.
I'll continue to write about Italy, I promise! I have such a rich store of memories, and if anything, the yearning will bleed through every line. You are one of those rare individuals who should have a private jet at your disposal, unlimited funds to spend, and a map to refer to as you trot the globe. I recognize the kind!
And I did indeed reach out to Karma! I'm so glad she's loving NYC. It was, in fact, why I thought of her first. I need the encouragement, and who better to get it from than someone who adores NYC as much as she does? I'm overjoyed that she's happy there. I know how long this has been a dream of hers.
Thanks for your hug. I send you hugs as well, always and forever.
I am so sorry to read this. I don't know what I would do if I had to suddenly leave Italy and go back to the US. My heart is weeping for you. On another note, a couple of the agencies that I work for are always looking for copywriters if that is something that could interest you. The pay is fair, but you won't get rich. If you're interested, please let me know, and I will put you in touch.
Mara, THANK YOU. By all means, put me in touch. Even if it's just for a while, I could use the work. Here's my email addy: staceyeskelin@gmail.com. I truly appreciate your efforts on my behalf.
I am sorry to hear of your need to leave Italy! Yet confident that you two will flourish wherever you go! In bocca al lupo!
On a side note, I have to mention that your statement about needing a retirement income of $60,000 to get an Elective Residency Visa is not correct. I got one last June and I make far less than that! FAR less!
I do realize that we are each bound by the rules of the Italian Consulate assigned to us, and there are huge discrepancies amongst the Consulates in the US. It may serve people well to move to the area served by the Italian Consulate in Chicago before applying for the ER visa.
It's a recent change, confirmed not only by other expats, but by a member of our local questura. You are right about going through the right consulate. Some of them are absolute nightmares.
Stacey, I want to reach out to you privately but I don’t know how. I am a New Yorker born in Manhattan and living in Napoli. I’ve written to you before and I love your blog. My birth city where are my entire family still lives is glorious robust wild and crazy many of the things that I love about my city are also here in Napoli. I would love to connect with you off-line and give you advice about my city. Don’t know how to do that. If you’re interested please let me know how we can chat off-line. Also your blog post about religion from May 2022 is wonderful and I just shared it in an email with people who are important to me.
Of course I know who you are! And I love chatting with you. You have terrific perspective, and that is something I truly love and value.
Until I get a NYC number, you can always find me at staceyeskelin@gmail.com (direct email) and I would love to get your NYC advice. I really welcome it.
That religion article was a hard one to post. I knew I was venturing into some very rough waters. The fact that it has been read and shared as many times as it has without me receiving a death threat is one of the miracles of our modern age ;-)
Stacey, I just replied to your email from my personal account. Your religion article was terrific and critically important. Anyway, looking forward to corresponding with you off-line via email.
Oh, Stacey...I'm so sorry to hear this. I know how much Italy means to you. To know that you and John have no choice but to leave tears at my heart. I wish you the best wherever you end up and whatever you end up doing. I know that you'll find the best and the interesting in wherever you are, but I grieve your loss. It's one thing to leave on your terms, but to be faced with no other option sucks donkey balls.
We have friends in New York, so perhaps this increases the chances that someday soon our paths actually WILL cross. And, should you and John ever find your way to the West Coast for a visit, we have plenty of room in our house in Portland.
Go in peace, know that you are loved, and believe that you and John will land in a place you can and will make your own. Safe travels!! ❤️
Our paths will DEFINITELY cross. Everybody finds themselves in NYC at some point. And if I'm in Portland, I expect a tour of all the coffee shops and a full explanation of how Portland apparently became such a suicide-and-heroin mecca, if the rumors are to be believed. Thank you for your words of encouragement. Trust me when I tell you I need them.
No words, Stacey. I can't even imagine how tough this choice was/is—and to have to leave your cats on top of it! I wish I could take Bunny, but my dog makes life miserable for cats. NYC is great and you'll find your footing, and hopefully come back to Italy often. Sorry for such a lame response to your traumatized post, but I'm honestly stunned. Un abbraccio forte xx
Hand to God, it's the cats. Fuzzy little fuckers are going to destroy me. The heart can only take so much, and they're a huge loss. I blame my kids, of course. If they hadn't grown up and had their own lives, I wouldn't have grown this attached to their substitutes :-) I know you feel me on this!
I am sending the heart emoji to convey the message: "I send hugs and concern for you all and this big, messy decision which is being thrust upon you." I'll think of you every time I lace up my deliciously comfortable Crispi hiking boots, handmade in Italy, purchased at a strip mall in North Portland. (really!) I was avoiding a July traffic jam and went shopping for something, and found boots. How did I not know that Italian boots are as perfect as those Manolo Blahniks?!
Livings have to be made. Adventures have to be experienced. Your cats will find new homes because you love them so much. sigh, just sigh...
I have NO RIGHT--zero--to bemoan the loss of my beloved kitties to someone who has warriored her way through the things you have, darling Barbara. You are my gold standard for Surviving UnSurvivable Shit. I didn't know about these Crispi hiking boots, but now I may have to give them a looksee. Lord knows I'll be doing pleeeennnnttty of walking in NYC. But how cool is this? You think about me and Italy every time you lace up; I'll think about you every time I lace up. too.
I hate to hear this. I know how much you loved the place. Concerning similar experiences we just left Alaska after 15 years of blissful living in a place that is surely where I was meant to be. I miss it already but not terribly - yet. This is no doubt due to the fact that I now have a finish building this house before we'll have a "real" place to live. Yes, couch surfing....and yes, everything is in disarray. Most of our belongings are crammed into a shipping container I purchased to ship said goods down to the "lower 48". Basically living out of a satchel or two till we can unload the container into the as yet unfinished home. May? June? Don't know yet but will keep you posted. I just hope this old carcase will hold up long enough to finish the project. Best of luck to you and John! You'll make your own way no doubt!
Oh, shit. Okay, pulling my thoughts together here. Heart is already hurting for you. I KNOW how much you love Alaska. It is likely a good thing that you are building this house. It gives you focus, purpose, and a nice distraction. I didn't realize until now that this was a permanent relocation. I'm 100% sure you have your reasons. But you are the kind of human who can prosper in all environments. In other words, a survivor.
Do you suppose, before you leave, that you could convene a gathering of your Italy-based readers in some amiable bar where we could kiss your cheeks to say hello then sit awhile for the kind of chit chat that might stick in the mind for a decade or so? In Amelia perhaps. None of us are completely real to one another, words being what they are, and the Internet being what it is, and the Atlantic being so vast, so putting names to faces might stir real sugar into the various abstractions of Cappuccino and sweeten our goodbyes.
Oh, oh, I could use those kisses! I LOVE kisses. I'm a kissy, huggy, tactile sort for sure. "None of us are completely real to one another" is sadly true. We present one side (the online side) but that's no substitute for the real thing. I'll tell you what though. I may not be able to coordinate a summit meeting this time, but I might be able to do it in the future. Something to shoot for, right? Until then, Cappuccino will be our sanctuary.
Turn your current journey into a must-read mega page Turner. First the book... and then a Netflix limited series.
I want to see you basking in the Trevie Fountain... that can be the book cover and the opening scene of the movie.
Oooogirlllll... do I have your attention?
I hope you're hearing me when I tell you this, but you are the single most inspiring person I know. Your brilliance and imagination, combined, make you such a unique presence in the world. If you say I can do it, I can do it. But hold a candle to Anita Ekberg? No way! Still, maybe a different take on "woman in Trevi Fountain." I could be floating facedown, for instance ... :-)
You are a Master at getting the Creative Juices flowing.
You'll figure out the Fountain idea.
My gut-feeling tells me your move Screams success.
Big hugs
I’m so so sorry. I can feel your anguish in your writing. I’m going to give you the advice my mother gave me when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Go into the bathroom and bury your face in a towel and cry as long and as hard as you need to. It sounds bizarre but it was good advice. Good luck to you and your furs (another good cry). Wishing you some peace during this.
DEAR GOD. You went through a breast cancer diagnosis? Oh, Lisa. You are strong beyond the telling of it. Wow. I have endless amounts of admiration for you. And yes, I like your mother's towel idea a LOT. You can really let go if you know no one can see you!
Stacey, darling dear, you must have me confused with another Barbara.... Have I had UnSurvivable Shit in my life? Honestly, I think I've been mostly fine. However, I am glad to help inspire friends with my gold standard--even though I am iron pyrite.
Now, about those boots. My last two pairs of hiking boots have fallen apart just when they were getting comfortable. I have mild bunions which don't really hurt, but I would really rather walk around in soft cloth shoes. But I need boots for the occasional hike, geology field trip and for wintertime dog walking. The Fishermen's supply clothing department had several more versions of cheap boots for $50 which would have worked, and lasted a year. Then I saw the Crispis. Every detail exquisite, smooth inner seams, lots of eyelets and hooks, little red dots on the toe clip indicating right from left, a card teaching you how to clean your boots, oh, and waterproof! These beauts were 20% off on that hot July day, so the original price ($350) was not that scary. Besides, they are going to last much longer than a year. I hope to wear them out, but in the meantime, they needed NO breaking in. Italians know how to make shoes. And Italy knows how to make memories. Look out, NYC. xoxo
On my feed, your response immediately followed Barbara Banks's response, so stupid me, I thought I was answering the same Barbara! A brain is a terrible thing to have fall apart on you like that. And poor Barbara Banks really HAS been through some shit. I take enormous comfort knowing that was not the case with you. ENORMOUS comfort.
I'm still intrigued by these Crispis. You paint a picture. Waterproofing = extra good. All those feature benefits AND Italian? Mama's gonna have to save her pennies so for a pair of these!
So sorry to hear you're leaving Italy Stacey. But clearly it's only going to be a physical departure. Your heart, your whole being will have been possessed by Italy's intensive magic for life .... and isn't that enough!
Francis, you are so so right about that. Italy can never do so long as it continues to live in my heart, which it will, forever.
Meh. I'm going to belittle your grief, if only to remind you that I'm an asshole who loves you beyond belief, and that the magic you found IN Italy and that which you brought TO the old country will stay with you and in you. Besides, you're a quality of person who brings fabulousness with her. You could wind up living in the suburbs and *still* rout out the glorious, the pathetic, the misbegotten and the eerily sublime. I'll wait.
"The glorious, the pathetic, the misbegotten, and the eerily sublime."
Damn, woman. YOU ARE A POET.
Hi! Your cappuccino totally broke my heart. My wife and I are going through the same thing. My wife is flying back home (Brazil) on Tuesday and I'll stay in Italy for a couple of months longer since I have business to take care of. My son lived with us for 2 years but moved back last year. Although Im happy to be able to spend time with my son, the pain I feel is excruciating. I've learned to love this country although Italy can drive you nuts. BTW loved your article on the 12 things you won't miss. Thanks for sharing your story.
NO! Oh, Eduardo, I don't want you to be sad. I hate that you're sad. But yes, we are in the same boat, I'm afraid, having to leave the country of our heart. Was your son able to work remotely? He must have had his reasons for leaving. And soooooo many young Italians are leaving, as you know. Italy is a gerontocracy. Not much upward mobility for the next generation. I'm afraid that's a big part of the problem.
Hugs, dear fellow Italophile. We'll find our way. I feel certain of it.
What a gut wrenching decision for you and John to have to make. For the last nine years, you have painted such a vivid picture of Italy, the people and culture, that I long to go there.
I hope that you will connect with Karma when you get to NYC. She is loving living back there.
There’s no doubt in my mind that you and John will find your tribe through music and the written word.
Wrapping you in a big hug as you go. 🤗
Love to you!
I'll continue to write about Italy, I promise! I have such a rich store of memories, and if anything, the yearning will bleed through every line. You are one of those rare individuals who should have a private jet at your disposal, unlimited funds to spend, and a map to refer to as you trot the globe. I recognize the kind!
And I did indeed reach out to Karma! I'm so glad she's loving NYC. It was, in fact, why I thought of her first. I need the encouragement, and who better to get it from than someone who adores NYC as much as she does? I'm overjoyed that she's happy there. I know how long this has been a dream of hers.
Thanks for your hug. I send you hugs as well, always and forever.
I am so sorry to read this. I don't know what I would do if I had to suddenly leave Italy and go back to the US. My heart is weeping for you. On another note, a couple of the agencies that I work for are always looking for copywriters if that is something that could interest you. The pay is fair, but you won't get rich. If you're interested, please let me know, and I will put you in touch.
Mara, THANK YOU. By all means, put me in touch. Even if it's just for a while, I could use the work. Here's my email addy: staceyeskelin@gmail.com. I truly appreciate your efforts on my behalf.
I am sorry to hear of your need to leave Italy! Yet confident that you two will flourish wherever you go! In bocca al lupo!
On a side note, I have to mention that your statement about needing a retirement income of $60,000 to get an Elective Residency Visa is not correct. I got one last June and I make far less than that! FAR less!
I do realize that we are each bound by the rules of the Italian Consulate assigned to us, and there are huge discrepancies amongst the Consulates in the US. It may serve people well to move to the area served by the Italian Consulate in Chicago before applying for the ER visa.
It's a recent change, confirmed not only by other expats, but by a member of our local questura. You are right about going through the right consulate. Some of them are absolute nightmares.
I got my ER visa in June of 2022. That was a mere 6 months ago.
Stacey, I want to reach out to you privately but I don’t know how. I am a New Yorker born in Manhattan and living in Napoli. I’ve written to you before and I love your blog. My birth city where are my entire family still lives is glorious robust wild and crazy many of the things that I love about my city are also here in Napoli. I would love to connect with you off-line and give you advice about my city. Don’t know how to do that. If you’re interested please let me know how we can chat off-line. Also your blog post about religion from May 2022 is wonderful and I just shared it in an email with people who are important to me.
Of course I know who you are! And I love chatting with you. You have terrific perspective, and that is something I truly love and value.
Until I get a NYC number, you can always find me at staceyeskelin@gmail.com (direct email) and I would love to get your NYC advice. I really welcome it.
That religion article was a hard one to post. I knew I was venturing into some very rough waters. The fact that it has been read and shared as many times as it has without me receiving a death threat is one of the miracles of our modern age ;-)
Stacey, I just replied to your email from my personal account. Your religion article was terrific and critically important. Anyway, looking forward to corresponding with you off-line via email.
This, too, shall change. xoxoxo
You are my Yoda, Richard. You are so many people's Yoda.
Oh, Stacey...I'm so sorry to hear this. I know how much Italy means to you. To know that you and John have no choice but to leave tears at my heart. I wish you the best wherever you end up and whatever you end up doing. I know that you'll find the best and the interesting in wherever you are, but I grieve your loss. It's one thing to leave on your terms, but to be faced with no other option sucks donkey balls.
We have friends in New York, so perhaps this increases the chances that someday soon our paths actually WILL cross. And, should you and John ever find your way to the West Coast for a visit, we have plenty of room in our house in Portland.
Go in peace, know that you are loved, and believe that you and John will land in a place you can and will make your own. Safe travels!! ❤️
Our paths will DEFINITELY cross. Everybody finds themselves in NYC at some point. And if I'm in Portland, I expect a tour of all the coffee shops and a full explanation of how Portland apparently became such a suicide-and-heroin mecca, if the rumors are to be believed. Thank you for your words of encouragement. Trust me when I tell you I need them.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
No words, Stacey. I can't even imagine how tough this choice was/is—and to have to leave your cats on top of it! I wish I could take Bunny, but my dog makes life miserable for cats. NYC is great and you'll find your footing, and hopefully come back to Italy often. Sorry for such a lame response to your traumatized post, but I'm honestly stunned. Un abbraccio forte xx
Hand to God, it's the cats. Fuzzy little fuckers are going to destroy me. The heart can only take so much, and they're a huge loss. I blame my kids, of course. If they hadn't grown up and had their own lives, I wouldn't have grown this attached to their substitutes :-) I know you feel me on this!
I am sending the heart emoji to convey the message: "I send hugs and concern for you all and this big, messy decision which is being thrust upon you." I'll think of you every time I lace up my deliciously comfortable Crispi hiking boots, handmade in Italy, purchased at a strip mall in North Portland. (really!) I was avoiding a July traffic jam and went shopping for something, and found boots. How did I not know that Italian boots are as perfect as those Manolo Blahniks?!
Livings have to be made. Adventures have to be experienced. Your cats will find new homes because you love them so much. sigh, just sigh...
I have NO RIGHT--zero--to bemoan the loss of my beloved kitties to someone who has warriored her way through the things you have, darling Barbara. You are my gold standard for Surviving UnSurvivable Shit. I didn't know about these Crispi hiking boots, but now I may have to give them a looksee. Lord knows I'll be doing pleeeennnnttty of walking in NYC. But how cool is this? You think about me and Italy every time you lace up; I'll think about you every time I lace up. too.
I hate to hear this. I know how much you loved the place. Concerning similar experiences we just left Alaska after 15 years of blissful living in a place that is surely where I was meant to be. I miss it already but not terribly - yet. This is no doubt due to the fact that I now have a finish building this house before we'll have a "real" place to live. Yes, couch surfing....and yes, everything is in disarray. Most of our belongings are crammed into a shipping container I purchased to ship said goods down to the "lower 48". Basically living out of a satchel or two till we can unload the container into the as yet unfinished home. May? June? Don't know yet but will keep you posted. I just hope this old carcase will hold up long enough to finish the project. Best of luck to you and John! You'll make your own way no doubt!
Oh, shit. Okay, pulling my thoughts together here. Heart is already hurting for you. I KNOW how much you love Alaska. It is likely a good thing that you are building this house. It gives you focus, purpose, and a nice distraction. I didn't realize until now that this was a permanent relocation. I'm 100% sure you have your reasons. But you are the kind of human who can prosper in all environments. In other words, a survivor.