First, Stacey, I'm sorry that happened to you this time, and I'm sorry that's happened to you so many times you could write so knowledgeably and authoritatively about it.
Second, your words hit home. I tend to think of myself as rather harmless, as I've been off the market for a good long while now. But I do flirt from time to time. Guilty. It's an intellectual exercise, as I've never been "smooth" the way some guys are. I just really like being in the company of smart women. – not to sleep with them, but to...flirt. And I've always thought of it as a victimless endeavor.
But I cannot imagine what it's like to be on the other end of that, all the time. And I suspect it happens all the time to the vast majority of women, no matter their age or race or economic status, their size or hair color. I HATE the idea that I have, even in a small way, contributed to any woman feeling uncomfortable, or bored, or just plain tired of doing this dance yet again. The notion of not having bodily autonomy...I can't get past that. It's what my ancestors had to endure just to survive over here. And that kind of degradation is something that no human should have to endure.
So I'm sorry, again, that you have to make that choice as often as you do. And I'll try to do better in the spaces I inhabit going forward.
A smart, kind, compassionate, knowledgeable man like you? Never ever a problem. Never. I'm serious. It's the stalkers, the ones who aggressively hustle a woman, the "nice guys" who are anything but. They're the problem. The urge to possess money and sexual partners is strong with men. I get that. Only the thinnest of veneers exists between us and our higher primate selves. But it's the entitlement (which is social, not biological) that enfranchises some men to think they can paw women. And even at your most flirtatious, you would never think of doing that.
Keep being your decent, kind self. The world needs more of that.
Oct 24, 2022·edited Oct 25, 2022Liked by Stacey Eskelin
Hold your beer? Gladly but only if you actually do go off and cold cock him. If I ever got ass grabbed, rubbed up against, again? whatever? I will swing first and answer questions later. I have been known to walk over their bodies after swinging. Self defense girlfriend. It's also THE BEST play... self defense. Walk away and bat your eyes, pout your lips and tits up. "I was afraid he would rape me". Serve, point, match.
Woot woot! I've pay REAL money to see you do that! I stomped a guy's insteps once. He pissed me off THAT much. But he wasn't grotesquely deformed the way this guy was. That's the part that threw me.
A guy once randomly grab my ass as I was walking by on a busy street. This was back in the day we all were carrying those huge bag purses. I didn't even think àbout it I just swung and clobbered him. I kept on walking. Didn't even miss a stride. My friends who were with me were like WTF! I shrugged my shoulders and said he ass grabbed me.
Learning some basic self-defense moves might be a good thing. All the fitness stuff you did in Houston proves you've got the physical foundation. That being said, the hardest part of self-defense is not this move or that trick. It is the *will* to haul off and bounce the fucker off the concrete. And then kick him when he's down to make sure he doesn't get up any time soon.
When I was taking Kung Fu lessons at Fort Bliss(ter) in the army, the instructor realized that I had a problem with falling. I kept holding back, instead of going into it. So he came over and proceeded to throw me from one end of the room to the other. And he was so good, that he every time he "threw" me, he did it so that I'd land perfectly, already rolling up to my feet (so that he could throw me again.)
"See?" he said. "You know how to fall."
A few months later, I'd just arrived in Germany, less than a week at my unit, and we were sent out on a field exercise (Bug out!) Packing things up, I was carrying this awkward box of electronics down from a hill (tag said it weighed 55 lbs) with another guy, and I felt my feet going out from under me. Well, I didn't consider dropping my end to be an option, and I knew I was going down. So instead of fighting it, I went into it. Did a complete combat roll, came back up to my feet, and never dropped my end.
Because I had the *will* to go into it. The practice helped me find that will, but it was the will more than anything.
For the next two years I was there, the guy I was with swore to anyone who would listen that I did it all on purpose just to brag.
Also, if I ever even saw you holding a beer, I'd punch him for you.
Holy cow! What a great story. Hell, now **I** want to learn how to do a combat roll. That's got to be better than a California roll, right?
And I agree with you 100% about how necessary will is when engaging with someone. When I was younger, I lacked will. I sure don't lack will now, but the guy's horrible disfigurement really threw me. Until then, it had never occurred to me that a guy like that would have the nerve to hustle women.
This one hits home as I was raised by an American feminist in Rome and have a daughter in her 20s which makes me worry constantly about these common cases of predatory abuse. I was a a freshman in HS when John was a senior and as an aspiring drummer I have been captivated by his talents. Your voice and take on Italy and the USA is incredible especially as I rarely read longer than headlines. My mom would join the Radicali in the 70s and 80s to fight women’s rights every Tuesday (first for the divorce referendum and then for the choice referendum). Please keep that torch burning and all I can say is fight back because you have that right to fight abuse - so next time after a stern vaffanculo a nice right hook is the right medicine. Back living in Rome after 35 years away and especially now women’s rights are being severely challenged since those wars in the 70s and 80s that my mother fought for. She’s been gone for 17 years but her spirit is alive in me and sadly I’m happy she’s not here today to witness the backward steps we are experiencing in both sides of the pond. Hope to meet you and see John again soon. 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼
I probably felt compelled to comment on this as just yesterday I was approached by a completely intoxicated boorish man who spoke in my ear and said “ti piace succhiarlo?” and I immediately screamed no and walked away. Frightening and humiliating to say the least but a rare occasion compared to what happens to women. It makes me shiver to think that happens on a regular basis for women…
HOW ON EARTH DID I MISS THIS COMMENT? Please forgive me. I usually wait a week or two for everyone to have a chance to chime in, but I am mad at myself for having missed this. Hello!
So, you went to the American HS in Rome, too! Do you ever make it up to Amelia? I am positive you and John could pass an enjoyable afternoon swapping war stories. His greatest regret was actually going to high school, period. It was a "huge waste of time," in his opinion.
I have a photo of him from his yearbook though. SUCH A CUTIE. I would have had a massive crush on him. Oh, wait. I still do.
Let's please get that IRL coffee, okay? Looking forward to it.
"You are not a doll in a glass case, made to be looked at. You’re a woman with agency and power. The time to start acting like it is now." Damned straight. Kick ass and take names if you must; it's your right.
On behalf of all Penis-Humans, I apologize for those troglodytes who feel that anyone with a vagina should be honored to spread their legs for them. It's reprehensible, disrespectful, and just plain sick. NO ONE deserves to be treated like that.
I've often counseled that a swift knee to the 'nads will cure a multitude of problems. Sure, it may seem violent, but if a man insists on invading your space, disrespecting your time, and ignoring the fact that you've already said "NO," a little aggression goes a long ways.
I don't advocate violence, but this to me is merely "proactive problem resolution," and you're disabling the physical equipment a man wishes to force upon you. All's fair in...well, you know how that goes, right?
No one has the right to obstruct, block, or attempt to monopolize a woman. If a man won't take "NO" for answer, a woman should have the right to take corrective action short of disemboweling the bastard.
Men like that piss me off to no end, because they make those of us who seriously endeavor to treat others with respect look bad. If you can't treat a woman the way you'd hope she or anyone else would treat you, go to Hell. Go directly to Hell. Do not pass "GO," do not collect a pack of condoms, go directly to Hell.
Bingo. The few bad guys make the good guys look shady by association. I feel the same way about women. Or the Obamas. The Obamas had to be perfect and above reproach BECAUSE they were Black. They were the template for all Black politicians thereafter. So, too, women. I feel strongly that we have to be above reproach. The problem is, of course, too few are.
No, I'm afraid most people are just in it for themselves. If it doesn't affect them personally, it doesn't exist.
Just look at the response to the new UK Prime Minister vs the response to Liz Truss. It doesn't matter that he's Indian but it does matter that she was a woman.
WORD UP, brother. Notice that, too, did you? To be fair, Rishi's actually competent, which is more than you could say for Liz. But you are 100% on that.
I used to ask myself, hearing about some criminal's criminal conduct: "What the hell was on their mind?" Then one day I realized, it ain't what's on their mind, it's what's not. They were not inculcated with the values, morals, principles, ethics - whatever - that make a person civil - socialized. The same applies to men who importune, affront and assault women.
Women you say - and countless others have said - are socialized to act in a certain way - as you did when you were importuned in that mall. Your daughter was similarly affronted. But, you are an intelligent, educated woman who didn't get up and walk away. And you and your brilliant husband raised your daughter. You know what you need to know in order to overcome whatever socialization may have kept you rooted on that bench; and you had an opportunity to socialize your daughter to handle the situation she found herself in. So, what gives?
All true. 100%. It was his affliction that threw me. All of a sudden, I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I could either live with the guilt of being cruel to someone who may or may not have been all there, or I could "humor" the guy. Suffice it to say, I will never humor someone like that again, even if they are afflicted.
First, Stacey, I'm sorry that happened to you this time, and I'm sorry that's happened to you so many times you could write so knowledgeably and authoritatively about it.
Second, your words hit home. I tend to think of myself as rather harmless, as I've been off the market for a good long while now. But I do flirt from time to time. Guilty. It's an intellectual exercise, as I've never been "smooth" the way some guys are. I just really like being in the company of smart women. – not to sleep with them, but to...flirt. And I've always thought of it as a victimless endeavor.
But I cannot imagine what it's like to be on the other end of that, all the time. And I suspect it happens all the time to the vast majority of women, no matter their age or race or economic status, their size or hair color. I HATE the idea that I have, even in a small way, contributed to any woman feeling uncomfortable, or bored, or just plain tired of doing this dance yet again. The notion of not having bodily autonomy...I can't get past that. It's what my ancestors had to endure just to survive over here. And that kind of degradation is something that no human should have to endure.
So I'm sorry, again, that you have to make that choice as often as you do. And I'll try to do better in the spaces I inhabit going forward.
A smart, kind, compassionate, knowledgeable man like you? Never ever a problem. Never. I'm serious. It's the stalkers, the ones who aggressively hustle a woman, the "nice guys" who are anything but. They're the problem. The urge to possess money and sexual partners is strong with men. I get that. Only the thinnest of veneers exists between us and our higher primate selves. But it's the entitlement (which is social, not biological) that enfranchises some men to think they can paw women. And even at your most flirtatious, you would never think of doing that.
Keep being your decent, kind self. The world needs more of that.
Hold your beer? Gladly but only if you actually do go off and cold cock him. If I ever got ass grabbed, rubbed up against, again? whatever? I will swing first and answer questions later. I have been known to walk over their bodies after swinging. Self defense girlfriend. It's also THE BEST play... self defense. Walk away and bat your eyes, pout your lips and tits up. "I was afraid he would rape me". Serve, point, match.
Woot woot! I've pay REAL money to see you do that! I stomped a guy's insteps once. He pissed me off THAT much. But he wasn't grotesquely deformed the way this guy was. That's the part that threw me.
But hey, I know how to handle it now.
A guy once randomly grab my ass as I was walking by on a busy street. This was back in the day we all were carrying those huge bag purses. I didn't even think àbout it I just swung and clobbered him. I kept on walking. Didn't even miss a stride. My friends who were with me were like WTF! I shrugged my shoulders and said he ass grabbed me.
Seriously, it was an out of body experience!
Learning some basic self-defense moves might be a good thing. All the fitness stuff you did in Houston proves you've got the physical foundation. That being said, the hardest part of self-defense is not this move or that trick. It is the *will* to haul off and bounce the fucker off the concrete. And then kick him when he's down to make sure he doesn't get up any time soon.
When I was taking Kung Fu lessons at Fort Bliss(ter) in the army, the instructor realized that I had a problem with falling. I kept holding back, instead of going into it. So he came over and proceeded to throw me from one end of the room to the other. And he was so good, that he every time he "threw" me, he did it so that I'd land perfectly, already rolling up to my feet (so that he could throw me again.)
"See?" he said. "You know how to fall."
A few months later, I'd just arrived in Germany, less than a week at my unit, and we were sent out on a field exercise (Bug out!) Packing things up, I was carrying this awkward box of electronics down from a hill (tag said it weighed 55 lbs) with another guy, and I felt my feet going out from under me. Well, I didn't consider dropping my end to be an option, and I knew I was going down. So instead of fighting it, I went into it. Did a complete combat roll, came back up to my feet, and never dropped my end.
Because I had the *will* to go into it. The practice helped me find that will, but it was the will more than anything.
For the next two years I was there, the guy I was with swore to anyone who would listen that I did it all on purpose just to brag.
Also, if I ever even saw you holding a beer, I'd punch him for you.
Holy cow! What a great story. Hell, now **I** want to learn how to do a combat roll. That's got to be better than a California roll, right?
And I agree with you 100% about how necessary will is when engaging with someone. When I was younger, I lacked will. I sure don't lack will now, but the guy's horrible disfigurement really threw me. Until then, it had never occurred to me that a guy like that would have the nerve to hustle women.
But... this is Italy.
This one hits home as I was raised by an American feminist in Rome and have a daughter in her 20s which makes me worry constantly about these common cases of predatory abuse. I was a a freshman in HS when John was a senior and as an aspiring drummer I have been captivated by his talents. Your voice and take on Italy and the USA is incredible especially as I rarely read longer than headlines. My mom would join the Radicali in the 70s and 80s to fight women’s rights every Tuesday (first for the divorce referendum and then for the choice referendum). Please keep that torch burning and all I can say is fight back because you have that right to fight abuse - so next time after a stern vaffanculo a nice right hook is the right medicine. Back living in Rome after 35 years away and especially now women’s rights are being severely challenged since those wars in the 70s and 80s that my mother fought for. She’s been gone for 17 years but her spirit is alive in me and sadly I’m happy she’s not here today to witness the backward steps we are experiencing in both sides of the pond. Hope to meet you and see John again soon. 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼
I probably felt compelled to comment on this as just yesterday I was approached by a completely intoxicated boorish man who spoke in my ear and said “ti piace succhiarlo?” and I immediately screamed no and walked away. Frightening and humiliating to say the least but a rare occasion compared to what happens to women. It makes me shiver to think that happens on a regular basis for women…
This is not an easy world for ANYONE, is it?
HOW ON EARTH DID I MISS THIS COMMENT? Please forgive me. I usually wait a week or two for everyone to have a chance to chime in, but I am mad at myself for having missed this. Hello!
So, you went to the American HS in Rome, too! Do you ever make it up to Amelia? I am positive you and John could pass an enjoyable afternoon swapping war stories. His greatest regret was actually going to high school, period. It was a "huge waste of time," in his opinion.
I have a photo of him from his yearbook though. SUCH A CUTIE. I would have had a massive crush on him. Oh, wait. I still do.
Let's please get that IRL coffee, okay? Looking forward to it.
"You are not a doll in a glass case, made to be looked at. You’re a woman with agency and power. The time to start acting like it is now." Damned straight. Kick ass and take names if you must; it's your right.
On behalf of all Penis-Humans, I apologize for those troglodytes who feel that anyone with a vagina should be honored to spread their legs for them. It's reprehensible, disrespectful, and just plain sick. NO ONE deserves to be treated like that.
I've often counseled that a swift knee to the 'nads will cure a multitude of problems. Sure, it may seem violent, but if a man insists on invading your space, disrespecting your time, and ignoring the fact that you've already said "NO," a little aggression goes a long ways.
I don't advocate violence, but this to me is merely "proactive problem resolution," and you're disabling the physical equipment a man wishes to force upon you. All's fair in...well, you know how that goes, right?
No one has the right to obstruct, block, or attempt to monopolize a woman. If a man won't take "NO" for answer, a woman should have the right to take corrective action short of disemboweling the bastard.
Men like that piss me off to no end, because they make those of us who seriously endeavor to treat others with respect look bad. If you can't treat a woman the way you'd hope she or anyone else would treat you, go to Hell. Go directly to Hell. Do not pass "GO," do not collect a pack of condoms, go directly to Hell.
And stay there.
Bingo. The few bad guys make the good guys look shady by association. I feel the same way about women. Or the Obamas. The Obamas had to be perfect and above reproach BECAUSE they were Black. They were the template for all Black politicians thereafter. So, too, women. I feel strongly that we have to be above reproach. The problem is, of course, too few are.
No, I'm afraid most people are just in it for themselves. If it doesn't affect them personally, it doesn't exist.
Sad, but likely all too true.
Just look at the response to the new UK Prime Minister vs the response to Liz Truss. It doesn't matter that he's Indian but it does matter that she was a woman.
WORD UP, brother. Notice that, too, did you? To be fair, Rishi's actually competent, which is more than you could say for Liz. But you are 100% on that.
I used to ask myself, hearing about some criminal's criminal conduct: "What the hell was on their mind?" Then one day I realized, it ain't what's on their mind, it's what's not. They were not inculcated with the values, morals, principles, ethics - whatever - that make a person civil - socialized. The same applies to men who importune, affront and assault women.
Women you say - and countless others have said - are socialized to act in a certain way - as you did when you were importuned in that mall. Your daughter was similarly affronted. But, you are an intelligent, educated woman who didn't get up and walk away. And you and your brilliant husband raised your daughter. You know what you need to know in order to overcome whatever socialization may have kept you rooted on that bench; and you had an opportunity to socialize your daughter to handle the situation she found herself in. So, what gives?
All true. 100%. It was his affliction that threw me. All of a sudden, I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I could either live with the guilt of being cruel to someone who may or may not have been all there, or I could "humor" the guy. Suffice it to say, I will never humor someone like that again, even if they are afflicted.
You go girl!
Well-said!
Well-put!
I know you get it, Betsy.