Jan 17, 2023·edited Jan 17, 2023Liked by Stacey Eskelin
<string of fun but apparently likely to offend words> ….
I ALWAYS find your posts so refreshing because of their straightforwardness and clear acknowledgement that these are your experiences and why you have formed these impressions. I do NOT live in Italy but have traveled there many times. I’ve gone so far as to acquire dual citizenship. My goal is to visit for a few months at a time each year. I would like to feel a BIT of community more than a tourist. People ask me if I am going to move to Italy. I know they mean well. It’s all I can do to politely say, “no”. I wouldn’t want them to not visit my beautiful, precious adopted second almost home. When they ask “why”, I explain a little about the things they could not know and they are all from the list you wrote. When I was reading your post, I was literally shaking my head up and down and laughing.
I love America but I have NO problem pointing out all of its issshhewwzz. And we have so many. Things for which we have no excuses!
Honestly, I think it only takes an OBSERVANT and CURIOUS (listening) person to understand the cultural differences and difficulties of Italy (or any country, for that matter). If one only stays in a hotel or limits themselves to a gated community or mostly mingles with other expats …. The blast of defensive is unfortunate.
So, feel free to use one of my very own made-up quotes. Are you ready? Ahem.
I think you are being very wise. Funny, isn't it, how the minute we aren't in lockstep with the popular narrative, we are accused of treason. You strike me as far too independent a thinker to be kettled into believing things that simply aren't true. And that's because you are, by your own admission, observant and curious.
I'm a big believer in embodying those two qualities. Too few people (Americans especially--and I'm American) are sufficiently curious about the world. But you are. And that is why you know things.
I find it amazing that you deliver your opinion with hyperbole and the occasional exaggeration, then become indignant when your readers call you on it. We've spent 6 years (at least) reading the news critically and fighting disinformation. You literary license may give you some leeway, but I call out inaccurate info when I see it. Anywhere...not just here, and not just on a screen.
I am further amazed that when your writing struck a nerve, your reaction was to write a lengthy and largely unfounded explanation of every political, religious, societal, and human reason why your readers commented as they did. I really take exception to being boxed and tagged by someone who has no reason to imagine they know me at all. And I need to point out that your reaction to reader comments does not seem to include any reflection on your role in this event. Doesn't that seem one-sided to you? It does from my point of view.
I wish you well in the next stage of your life, in the US or wherever you may go. You certainly have a voice, and if you would slip in some qualifying phrases such as " in my point if view" or "it seems to me" or even just a "perhaps" now and then, you may find that your readers are more in tune with your arguments and less inclined to argue back. Maybe. Perhaps.
Robin, I wasn't singling you out. I wasn't singling anyone out. But I **am** surprised when people like you become wild with indignation when people like me don't agree with your viewpoint. I've been here nine years. My boyfriend has been here more than thirty. Can you claim that much depth of field? You keep saying I'm wrong, but you never actually say what I'm wrong about.
That's why so many old-timers like us see expats like you with a certain eye-rolling "oh here we go again" world-weariness. It's all about you, you, you. Your decisions, your expatriation, your opinions. Not much room in there for other perspectives, is there?
You are free to unsubscribe. I could block you, but I won't. Unlike you, I welcome dissenters.
You know, I don't know you and you don't know me, so I imagine neither one of us has much more energy to put into this exchange. For the record, I tried to unsubscribe but the button would not work....probaby because our wifi is being sketchy....so here I am one last time.
I don't know who you are responding to in the above comment, but it wasn't me. Perhaps you are replying, in your head, to all the people who wrote in disagreeing with you. I never said that you singled me out, or singled anyone out. I am not "wild with indignation".
Your statements related to "old timers like us" is a cautionary tale.... You said, "I've been here nine years." NIce. I've been here 7 years. You said, "My boyfriend has been here more than thirty." Again, nice. My boyfriend has been here more than 60. So much for your superiority via "depth of field". Is that kind of competition really useful anyway, especially among "old timers like us"?
I did actually point out at least two issues that I believe you overstated in your blog (one was your claim that you must have $60,000 income to get and ER visa, and one about market prices going through the roof due to the Ukrainian war).
In both cases, your experience is your experience and is valid. But so is my experience, so --without claiming to be an expert-- I did list my different experinces just to show that there is more context to those issues than you offered in your blog.
You said, "It's all about you, you, you. Your decisions, your expatriation, your opinions. Not much room in there for other perspectives, is there?" Actually I only referenced my shopping experience and my healthcare costs.....not my expatriation and not my opinions. You, on the other hand....ALL opinions, with no accountability for less than accurate info. That was my only beef. Again, your experience is valid for you.....but it does not extend to everyone, everywhere in Italy. Rules and experiences are different in different parts of Italy. Rules about ER visas differ from consulate to consulate. I don't think your experience is "wrong", I think your expression of it is overstated and lacking nuance. And that leads to misinformation. So....given that.....what's that you said about "not much room for other perspectives"? Which one of us is lacking there?
You keep saying "I welcome your comments....I welcome dissenters." But clearly you do not. You spent an entire blog explaining --as if you lived inside each of our heads (the arrogance!)-- why each of us "dissenters" wrote in response to your blog, but never examined WHAT IT WAS IN YOUR WRITING that may have prompted that kind of feedback. Don't you think that would be valuable to you? I wouldn't not expect any writer to publicly rehash their personal reflection in a case such as this.....but admitting that you DID reflect would do a lot more for your credibility in the future than simply trashing and insulting your readers has done now. I don't want an answer about this....I don't need to know. But for your own sake I hope you will reflect on how your writing led to this backlash.....unless you actually want it to happen again.
Bottom line: I don't know you....I'll likely never meet you.....we never need to communicate again. But I wish you well, and I don't see that happening unless you are willing to engage in some self-assessment on your own time.
I enjoyed your work up to the "what I won't miss..." blog, even though I didn't alway agree with you. But now, given your recent blogs, I can no longer enjoy your writing. I'm sure you don't care, and that's fine.
Robert Burns once wrote (paraphrased here) "Would some power the gift give us, to see ourselves as other see us." Well I tried to be that "power" for you....that was my only intent. We don't need to compete with "depth of field", years in Italy, or experiences. I just wanted you to see what your recent writing looked like from this side of the screen, in hopes that it would benefit you in the future.
Best wishes for success and happiness in the next chapters of your life, wherever that may take you.
"Tetchy" indeed, for most I'd say. Myself, I'm perfectly able to scroll past all the hype and vitriol. Maybe I'm just not all that observant. I didn't even realize that there were adverts in my feed till you brought it to my attention some time ago. That's how accomplished I had become at ignoring the unimportant crap.
"The ones who aren’t kneejerk tribal, who don’t need to mainline a sense of superiority in order to feel okay about themselves, who instinctively understand you’re heartbroken without needing to have it explained to them … these are your friends.
Hold them close."
Omigawd. This is so true, and I'm so sorry that you were blasted by trolls on dickheads who know nothing but knee-jerk reaction. You don't deserve that, not when your observations have been uniformly well-considered, free of unnecessary emotion, and well-spoken.
Some of us (me, f'rinstance) can't always say that.
We're becoming increasingly siloed as a species. We Americans are increasingly uncomfortable with those who don't look, speak, think, act, believe, live, and/or love as we do. Why, then, are we surprised when other societies turn the tables on us? WE go to other countries, lives as expats, are subject to their rules, and are sometimes rejected by them.
Why? Because we're different. Then we get pilloried for expressing our frustration/anger with that?
I've learned to take the opinions of trolls and keyboard warriors with a large grain of salt. Emboldened by distance and, in some cases, anonymity, many of them feel unchained and allow themselves and their opinions free reign. The normal rules of civil discourse no longer apply, which is unfortunate. Perhaps what they have to say might have some validity...if they weren't such flaming assholes about it.
This is one of the risks we take when we put ourselves out there. In the 22 years I've been blogging in various forms, I've developed a strong IDGAF. There are a few whose opinion I value, and the rest are so much white noise.
When I publish something, I know that as soon as I hit "POST," I lose control over it. So I stop caring about it (in most cases). I allow it to work its magic or piss people off. Either way, it's out of my hands.
It beats being ignored, knowhutimean??
"These are your friends. Hold them close" So true. Remember that.❤️🤗
I am proud and grateful to number you among my friends. If this is our silo, I'm happy to share it with such a one as you. It's the considered, well-thought-out opinions and intelligence I value. Also, the burn-it-down sentiments :-) I always love those.
People are incredibly rude online, especially if they feel that they are being criticized. Every expat in Italy has to rush to defend their choice because, otherwise, they might have to admit to making a mistake. I lived in Italy for 16 years and was overjoyed to be moving back to the US. Everything you say is true and, while Italy may have its charms and the US has its own share of problems, there are things there that are just intolerable. The school system is absolutely horrible and the main reason why I moved back to the US.
The bureaucracy is stifling and nothing ever changes because people just say, "Well, that's how it is in Italy." The school is just one case in point. There is no future there for young people. Life is great if you have a good retirement income from another country, but if you have to work there, not so great.
You are 100% correct about the people who are nice to you. They are nice to your face, but as soon as you turn around most don't have a nice thing to say about you.
Unfortunately, as for the negative and nasty comments you received, the internet seems to bring out the worst in some people.
Best of luck with your move back to the states. After being in Italy so long, you will be amazed by how easy it is to get things done.
Here speaks the voice of experience. You are right, of course, about all of it. And 16 years in Italy gives you enormous gravitas. I'm sure you saw that article from a Finnish national about the Italian school system. Members of Italian Parliament were getting huffy about it on TV. She wasn't scathing; just real. There was nothing said that couldn't be backed up with the receipts to prove it. But now everybody is hunting her down.
I love Italy. I love Italians, even if they don't love me back. We don't choose the things and people we love, we just ... love. But I'd be a damnable liar if I say I'm ready for the comforts, convenience, and ease-of-use of my own country.
Great job. You, in my opinion, aren’t one to “pull punches”. I’m the same way. My wife constantly tells me to keep my mouth shut like when our neighbor claims climate change isn’t real and weather is just cyclical. I think we need to keep in mind that people show us their IQ all the time.
I am sorry you had to endure those comments. I wonder how New York will be and I’m looking forward to your articles about your new life.
BAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, you and I ARE quite alike then, aren't we? Like you say, I don't pull any punches and neither do you. Terrible, isn't it, trying to keep your trap shut when the guy in front of you is spouting nonsense?
Yes, there will be plenty of NYC/toil-of-repatriation articles along with lots of yearning ones re: Italy.
I read all the comments on your post about the things you don't like about Italy and found mostly support with a few quibbles, not a deluge of abusive commentary. Did those replies go missing or did the writers "attack" in a different place?
In any case, who the f'k cares? By this time, those of us who hang around social media and substack are used to the fire and the crossfire and we've tweaked our brains to sort stuff out, the great, the good, the bad and the ugly spirited.
My own last word on the subject: those of us who love Italy do so despite herself. You'd still be here if you could be, and that is the gist of your two articles. Ain't it?
No, I post in a variety of places, and those who didn't respond directly emailed me with their "thoughts." I'm not one to get missish about such things or take them personally, but the self-righteousness was interesting, to say the least.
"Those of us who love Italy do so despite herself" is EXACTLY how I feel. Mine is a hopeless love. Yours, too, I would imagine. This is where my soul and my heart are. NYC will never possess them.
Jan 17, 2023·edited Jan 17, 2023Liked by Stacey Eskelin
It just seems ludicrous to me that anyone would take exception to your "dislikes". It ain't as though they can contradict you. So what provokes their angry responses? Is it simply that they don't want you thinking they're gullible for having put down stakes here, or that they cannot themselves reach a balanced view of the place for want of the intellectual tools with which to make a more profound evaluation of their, well, not predicament, but their choice to be here, or at least spend a good deal of time here (which they want validated at the cost of an honest appraisal)? And then....as I said before, who the f'k cares what they think if you have to deal with them with at least one intellectual appendage tied behind your back to make it a fair fight.
Oh, yes. It's absolutely about them. A strange form of narcissism, indeed! It's as though they have to have their reasons for living here justified all the time.
We're all so tetchy these days, amirite? So prone to flying off the handle at the least provocation. Maybe it's because we are subjected to a 24/7 "outrage machine."
"Small differences" point caused me to flash on Tom Lehrer's old tun, "National Brotherhood Week":
"Oh the the Protestants hate the Catholics, and the Catholics hate the Protestants,
"And the Hindus hate all the Muslims,
"And everybody hates the Jews."
I've got to suspect that what riled up so many people was that you were too damned close to the truth.
Now, it is certainly possible to get angry over a blatant falsehood, especially when the facts are manifestly obvious and available for anyone to discover. It being his birthday, the example that comes immediately to mind is how I will get pretty steamed (as in "white-faced with rage") at reichwhiners who try to co-opt Dr. King for their viciously racist purposes. But that's a kind of staggeringly barbaric lie that is an absolute and demonstrable mutilation of the facts. Could any of your critics point to anything you said that was not only false, but obviously and malevolently false? I'm guessing not.
Anyway, I'm sorry you had such an unpleasant experience over an experience that is already quite unpleasant.
HA! I love Lehrer! "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park" is one of the funniest things ever, and now I have this National Brotherhood song to add to my collection of favorites.
Well, you said it. There was no demonstrable mutilation of the facts. I have to remind myself fifty times a day right now that "there is no perception without projection."
I’m sorry you had to write this piece because rather than validate your experience, some prefer to lash out because it threatens theirs. It is sad but the anonymity of the Inet allows this lack of civility. On a lighter note - I noticed the picture at the end of your piece was attributed to Greg Bulla. I’m quite sure he’s a guy I worked with about 15 years ago in San Diego. Small world - photography was always his passion - but he was a damned good software engineer too. Ciao’ Bella.
Stacey - I’m sure your strike too close to home to the cowards in the blue light district when they see themselves in your narratives. The collective mentality of attacking from behind a screen is hilarious to me. But it’s also a reason I am not on social media. My BP can’t take it.
Lisa, thank you. And you are so right about the "collective mentality of attacking from behind a screen." It IS hilarious. And puzzling. And at times worrying. These are the same people we share a planet with, and man, some of them are profoundly messed up.
I loved those two last posts. And I'm so sorry you have to leave Italy. I would be weeping. I thought your comments in both were very truthful and balanced. I am a Canadian expat living in the States and about to move back to Canada. I am DYING to move to France, however I have teenagers to dispose of first. All I want to do is walk around Paris alone for the rest of my life and work on my computer. Getting them to let you in is a high wall. I know people do it though and I can only try.
Oooooooh! France is amazing. Just the height of civilization (and they know it). Have you thought of establishing EU residency through Portugal? Plenty of folks are. Food for thought, at least.
<string of fun but apparently likely to offend words> ….
I ALWAYS find your posts so refreshing because of their straightforwardness and clear acknowledgement that these are your experiences and why you have formed these impressions. I do NOT live in Italy but have traveled there many times. I’ve gone so far as to acquire dual citizenship. My goal is to visit for a few months at a time each year. I would like to feel a BIT of community more than a tourist. People ask me if I am going to move to Italy. I know they mean well. It’s all I can do to politely say, “no”. I wouldn’t want them to not visit my beautiful, precious adopted second almost home. When they ask “why”, I explain a little about the things they could not know and they are all from the list you wrote. When I was reading your post, I was literally shaking my head up and down and laughing.
I love America but I have NO problem pointing out all of its issshhewwzz. And we have so many. Things for which we have no excuses!
Honestly, I think it only takes an OBSERVANT and CURIOUS (listening) person to understand the cultural differences and difficulties of Italy (or any country, for that matter). If one only stays in a hotel or limits themselves to a gated community or mostly mingles with other expats …. The blast of defensive is unfortunate.
So, feel free to use one of my very own made-up quotes. Are you ready? Ahem.
“Peepz be weird.”
Prego.
💕🇮🇹🇺🇸
I think you are being very wise. Funny, isn't it, how the minute we aren't in lockstep with the popular narrative, we are accused of treason. You strike me as far too independent a thinker to be kettled into believing things that simply aren't true. And that's because you are, by your own admission, observant and curious.
I'm a big believer in embodying those two qualities. Too few people (Americans especially--and I'm American) are sufficiently curious about the world. But you are. And that is why you know things.
Wow... really? I didn't see the comments (nor do I want to). Sucks! On another note, "Welcome home!" ;) I hope to see you sometime this year :)
You will TOTALLY see me. And I can still help you with your Italy trip.
We're not going to Italy this year... we decided on Spain instead. I really want to see the Gaudy architecture!
I find it amazing that you deliver your opinion with hyperbole and the occasional exaggeration, then become indignant when your readers call you on it. We've spent 6 years (at least) reading the news critically and fighting disinformation. You literary license may give you some leeway, but I call out inaccurate info when I see it. Anywhere...not just here, and not just on a screen.
I am further amazed that when your writing struck a nerve, your reaction was to write a lengthy and largely unfounded explanation of every political, religious, societal, and human reason why your readers commented as they did. I really take exception to being boxed and tagged by someone who has no reason to imagine they know me at all. And I need to point out that your reaction to reader comments does not seem to include any reflection on your role in this event. Doesn't that seem one-sided to you? It does from my point of view.
I wish you well in the next stage of your life, in the US or wherever you may go. You certainly have a voice, and if you would slip in some qualifying phrases such as " in my point if view" or "it seems to me" or even just a "perhaps" now and then, you may find that your readers are more in tune with your arguments and less inclined to argue back. Maybe. Perhaps.
Unsubscribing now....
Robin, I wasn't singling you out. I wasn't singling anyone out. But I **am** surprised when people like you become wild with indignation when people like me don't agree with your viewpoint. I've been here nine years. My boyfriend has been here more than thirty. Can you claim that much depth of field? You keep saying I'm wrong, but you never actually say what I'm wrong about.
That's why so many old-timers like us see expats like you with a certain eye-rolling "oh here we go again" world-weariness. It's all about you, you, you. Your decisions, your expatriation, your opinions. Not much room in there for other perspectives, is there?
You are free to unsubscribe. I could block you, but I won't. Unlike you, I welcome dissenters.
You know, I don't know you and you don't know me, so I imagine neither one of us has much more energy to put into this exchange. For the record, I tried to unsubscribe but the button would not work....probaby because our wifi is being sketchy....so here I am one last time.
I don't know who you are responding to in the above comment, but it wasn't me. Perhaps you are replying, in your head, to all the people who wrote in disagreeing with you. I never said that you singled me out, or singled anyone out. I am not "wild with indignation".
Your statements related to "old timers like us" is a cautionary tale.... You said, "I've been here nine years." NIce. I've been here 7 years. You said, "My boyfriend has been here more than thirty." Again, nice. My boyfriend has been here more than 60. So much for your superiority via "depth of field". Is that kind of competition really useful anyway, especially among "old timers like us"?
I did actually point out at least two issues that I believe you overstated in your blog (one was your claim that you must have $60,000 income to get and ER visa, and one about market prices going through the roof due to the Ukrainian war).
In both cases, your experience is your experience and is valid. But so is my experience, so --without claiming to be an expert-- I did list my different experinces just to show that there is more context to those issues than you offered in your blog.
You said, "It's all about you, you, you. Your decisions, your expatriation, your opinions. Not much room in there for other perspectives, is there?" Actually I only referenced my shopping experience and my healthcare costs.....not my expatriation and not my opinions. You, on the other hand....ALL opinions, with no accountability for less than accurate info. That was my only beef. Again, your experience is valid for you.....but it does not extend to everyone, everywhere in Italy. Rules and experiences are different in different parts of Italy. Rules about ER visas differ from consulate to consulate. I don't think your experience is "wrong", I think your expression of it is overstated and lacking nuance. And that leads to misinformation. So....given that.....what's that you said about "not much room for other perspectives"? Which one of us is lacking there?
You keep saying "I welcome your comments....I welcome dissenters." But clearly you do not. You spent an entire blog explaining --as if you lived inside each of our heads (the arrogance!)-- why each of us "dissenters" wrote in response to your blog, but never examined WHAT IT WAS IN YOUR WRITING that may have prompted that kind of feedback. Don't you think that would be valuable to you? I wouldn't not expect any writer to publicly rehash their personal reflection in a case such as this.....but admitting that you DID reflect would do a lot more for your credibility in the future than simply trashing and insulting your readers has done now. I don't want an answer about this....I don't need to know. But for your own sake I hope you will reflect on how your writing led to this backlash.....unless you actually want it to happen again.
Bottom line: I don't know you....I'll likely never meet you.....we never need to communicate again. But I wish you well, and I don't see that happening unless you are willing to engage in some self-assessment on your own time.
I enjoyed your work up to the "what I won't miss..." blog, even though I didn't alway agree with you. But now, given your recent blogs, I can no longer enjoy your writing. I'm sure you don't care, and that's fine.
Robert Burns once wrote (paraphrased here) "Would some power the gift give us, to see ourselves as other see us." Well I tried to be that "power" for you....that was my only intent. We don't need to compete with "depth of field", years in Italy, or experiences. I just wanted you to see what your recent writing looked like from this side of the screen, in hopes that it would benefit you in the future.
Best wishes for success and happiness in the next chapters of your life, wherever that may take you.
Robin
"Tetchy" indeed, for most I'd say. Myself, I'm perfectly able to scroll past all the hype and vitriol. Maybe I'm just not all that observant. I didn't even realize that there were adverts in my feed till you brought it to my attention some time ago. That's how accomplished I had become at ignoring the unimportant crap.
That is REMARKABLE focus! Damn. Even I can't look past ads. They stick in my craw.
It does make our world smaller -- guess we have to take the good with the bad.
Oh, and I'm always here to hold your beer.🤣
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
"The ones who aren’t kneejerk tribal, who don’t need to mainline a sense of superiority in order to feel okay about themselves, who instinctively understand you’re heartbroken without needing to have it explained to them … these are your friends.
Hold them close."
Omigawd. This is so true, and I'm so sorry that you were blasted by trolls on dickheads who know nothing but knee-jerk reaction. You don't deserve that, not when your observations have been uniformly well-considered, free of unnecessary emotion, and well-spoken.
Some of us (me, f'rinstance) can't always say that.
We're becoming increasingly siloed as a species. We Americans are increasingly uncomfortable with those who don't look, speak, think, act, believe, live, and/or love as we do. Why, then, are we surprised when other societies turn the tables on us? WE go to other countries, lives as expats, are subject to their rules, and are sometimes rejected by them.
Why? Because we're different. Then we get pilloried for expressing our frustration/anger with that?
I've learned to take the opinions of trolls and keyboard warriors with a large grain of salt. Emboldened by distance and, in some cases, anonymity, many of them feel unchained and allow themselves and their opinions free reign. The normal rules of civil discourse no longer apply, which is unfortunate. Perhaps what they have to say might have some validity...if they weren't such flaming assholes about it.
This is one of the risks we take when we put ourselves out there. In the 22 years I've been blogging in various forms, I've developed a strong IDGAF. There are a few whose opinion I value, and the rest are so much white noise.
When I publish something, I know that as soon as I hit "POST," I lose control over it. So I stop caring about it (in most cases). I allow it to work its magic or piss people off. Either way, it's out of my hands.
It beats being ignored, knowhutimean??
"These are your friends. Hold them close" So true. Remember that.❤️🤗
I am proud and grateful to number you among my friends. If this is our silo, I'm happy to share it with such a one as you. It's the considered, well-thought-out opinions and intelligence I value. Also, the burn-it-down sentiments :-) I always love those.
There’s always room in our silo for you. 😆
People are incredibly rude online, especially if they feel that they are being criticized. Every expat in Italy has to rush to defend their choice because, otherwise, they might have to admit to making a mistake. I lived in Italy for 16 years and was overjoyed to be moving back to the US. Everything you say is true and, while Italy may have its charms and the US has its own share of problems, there are things there that are just intolerable. The school system is absolutely horrible and the main reason why I moved back to the US.
The bureaucracy is stifling and nothing ever changes because people just say, "Well, that's how it is in Italy." The school is just one case in point. There is no future there for young people. Life is great if you have a good retirement income from another country, but if you have to work there, not so great.
You are 100% correct about the people who are nice to you. They are nice to your face, but as soon as you turn around most don't have a nice thing to say about you.
Unfortunately, as for the negative and nasty comments you received, the internet seems to bring out the worst in some people.
Best of luck with your move back to the states. After being in Italy so long, you will be amazed by how easy it is to get things done.
Here speaks the voice of experience. You are right, of course, about all of it. And 16 years in Italy gives you enormous gravitas. I'm sure you saw that article from a Finnish national about the Italian school system. Members of Italian Parliament were getting huffy about it on TV. She wasn't scathing; just real. There was nothing said that couldn't be backed up with the receipts to prove it. But now everybody is hunting her down.
I love Italy. I love Italians, even if they don't love me back. We don't choose the things and people we love, we just ... love. But I'd be a damnable liar if I say I'm ready for the comforts, convenience, and ease-of-use of my own country.
Great job. You, in my opinion, aren’t one to “pull punches”. I’m the same way. My wife constantly tells me to keep my mouth shut like when our neighbor claims climate change isn’t real and weather is just cyclical. I think we need to keep in mind that people show us their IQ all the time.
I am sorry you had to endure those comments. I wonder how New York will be and I’m looking forward to your articles about your new life.
So am I! I was just thinking today I can't wait to see the NYC version of Cappuccino.
I'm looking forward to all the rain-splashed, shimmering sidewalks and reflected neon ;-)
BAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, you and I ARE quite alike then, aren't we? Like you say, I don't pull any punches and neither do you. Terrible, isn't it, trying to keep your trap shut when the guy in front of you is spouting nonsense?
Yes, there will be plenty of NYC/toil-of-repatriation articles along with lots of yearning ones re: Italy.
You are awesome
An excellent response on your part. Brava. In bocca al lupo per la tua nuova vita negli Statiuniti.
Thank you! Luck is needed. I just wish that wolf's mouth didn't have so many teeth ;-)
I read all the comments on your post about the things you don't like about Italy and found mostly support with a few quibbles, not a deluge of abusive commentary. Did those replies go missing or did the writers "attack" in a different place?
In any case, who the f'k cares? By this time, those of us who hang around social media and substack are used to the fire and the crossfire and we've tweaked our brains to sort stuff out, the great, the good, the bad and the ugly spirited.
My own last word on the subject: those of us who love Italy do so despite herself. You'd still be here if you could be, and that is the gist of your two articles. Ain't it?
No, I post in a variety of places, and those who didn't respond directly emailed me with their "thoughts." I'm not one to get missish about such things or take them personally, but the self-righteousness was interesting, to say the least.
"Those of us who love Italy do so despite herself" is EXACTLY how I feel. Mine is a hopeless love. Yours, too, I would imagine. This is where my soul and my heart are. NYC will never possess them.
It just seems ludicrous to me that anyone would take exception to your "dislikes". It ain't as though they can contradict you. So what provokes their angry responses? Is it simply that they don't want you thinking they're gullible for having put down stakes here, or that they cannot themselves reach a balanced view of the place for want of the intellectual tools with which to make a more profound evaluation of their, well, not predicament, but their choice to be here, or at least spend a good deal of time here (which they want validated at the cost of an honest appraisal)? And then....as I said before, who the f'k cares what they think if you have to deal with them with at least one intellectual appendage tied behind your back to make it a fair fight.
Oh, yes. It's absolutely about them. A strange form of narcissism, indeed! It's as though they have to have their reasons for living here justified all the time.
Those who don't appreciate honesty aren't your friends anyway. "Let em eat cake"! Or something far less appealing.....
We're all so tetchy these days, amirite? So prone to flying off the handle at the least provocation. Maybe it's because we are subjected to a 24/7 "outrage machine."
"Small differences" point caused me to flash on Tom Lehrer's old tun, "National Brotherhood Week":
"Oh the the Protestants hate the Catholics, and the Catholics hate the Protestants,
"And the Hindus hate all the Muslims,
"And everybody hates the Jews."
I've got to suspect that what riled up so many people was that you were too damned close to the truth.
Now, it is certainly possible to get angry over a blatant falsehood, especially when the facts are manifestly obvious and available for anyone to discover. It being his birthday, the example that comes immediately to mind is how I will get pretty steamed (as in "white-faced with rage") at reichwhiners who try to co-opt Dr. King for their viciously racist purposes. But that's a kind of staggeringly barbaric lie that is an absolute and demonstrable mutilation of the facts. Could any of your critics point to anything you said that was not only false, but obviously and malevolently false? I'm guessing not.
Anyway, I'm sorry you had such an unpleasant experience over an experience that is already quite unpleasant.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIlJ8ZCs4jY
HA! I love Lehrer! "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park" is one of the funniest things ever, and now I have this National Brotherhood song to add to my collection of favorites.
Well, you said it. There was no demonstrable mutilation of the facts. I have to remind myself fifty times a day right now that "there is no perception without projection."
Hugs, my friend.
I’m sorry you had to write this piece because rather than validate your experience, some prefer to lash out because it threatens theirs. It is sad but the anonymity of the Inet allows this lack of civility. On a lighter note - I noticed the picture at the end of your piece was attributed to Greg Bulla. I’m quite sure he’s a guy I worked with about 15 years ago in San Diego. Small world - photography was always his passion - but he was a damned good software engineer too. Ciao’ Bella.
NO WAY! Omg, what a small world this is! And the internet makes it ever smaller. I love that coincidence.
the Inet does indeed make the world smaller - guess we have to take the good with the bad...
Stacey - I’m sure your strike too close to home to the cowards in the blue light district when they see themselves in your narratives. The collective mentality of attacking from behind a screen is hilarious to me. But it’s also a reason I am not on social media. My BP can’t take it.
I applaud you and your writing!
Lisa, thank you. And you are so right about the "collective mentality of attacking from behind a screen." It IS hilarious. And puzzling. And at times worrying. These are the same people we share a planet with, and man, some of them are profoundly messed up.
I loved those two last posts. And I'm so sorry you have to leave Italy. I would be weeping. I thought your comments in both were very truthful and balanced. I am a Canadian expat living in the States and about to move back to Canada. I am DYING to move to France, however I have teenagers to dispose of first. All I want to do is walk around Paris alone for the rest of my life and work on my computer. Getting them to let you in is a high wall. I know people do it though and I can only try.
Oooooooh! France is amazing. Just the height of civilization (and they know it). Have you thought of establishing EU residency through Portugal? Plenty of folks are. Food for thought, at least.