so enjoyed your offerings. i related some. i'm from san francisco. i had the privilege of being an ex pat thrice. two years in germany, then 3 other yrs in germany, then one year in...nyc. all such experiental gifts. i loved every bit of hating parts of each. life is so rich. and so short. never stop searching, observing, exploring, doing. all the best! fd
Technically, I believe it is the GX-ers (and some Millennials) who are "in charge." GZ-ers are currently barristas unionizing at Starbucks.
Speaking for myself, at least, I can say with some confidence that retirement remains an exchange of time for money.
The shiny spot on the turd is that this is the best job situation in the states in at least the last 50 years. It is an open question how long the free-market fundamentalists at the Fed will allow that to continue. They've seldom exhibited any enthusiasm for ECON 101 facts, not when they've got folks like Lawrence "I've-Never-Been-Right-About-Anything" Summers reminding them of what their endlessly refuted ideology instructs them to do.
Up until 2009, all of my moves/transitions had the sense of a "win" about them, some even more than others. Even joining the army back in '75 was a "win," as it was the first step in breaking the patterns of a life that I'd long recognized as being catastrophically broken. But moving out to Prescott, AZ in 2009 was something of a wash, as I was going there to deal with my father's dementia and his inability to live at home any longer. Coming back to Illinois in 2011 was the admission that my plans had basically fallen apart and that I would never have a full-time job (of any sort) for the rest of my life. The next time I move it will almost certainly be because I've been evicted. So I've known both win and lose.
Those of us who've been able to live as an expat for any length of time are truly blessed. That you've been able to do it for nine years is a gift beyond measure. You'll return older, wiser, more capable and sure of who you are. Of course, going from Italy to NYC will probably be a helluva culture shock, but going to NYC from anywhere would be.
You now have the gift of perspective that few Americans possess. You'll find your place and settle in, as will John. And I'd dispute your contention that you're not all that interesting. Though we've never met, I keep coming back and consider you a friend precisely because I find you fascinating. Perhaps it's the expat angle, or that our writing styles are differently, or...who knows? I just know that people with perspectives and intellects such as yours aren't a dime a dozen. In fact, they're exceedingly rare.
I love your willingness to dive into topics with an open mind and come out on the other side with something unique and interesting. I may not be captivated by all of the topics you've written about, but I can always learn something from them. That's a rare quality in a writer.
Sadly, all good things come to an end. Or do they? Perhaps they don't end at all. Maybe they just transmogrify into new and different adventures and challenges.
I don't pretend to know what the future holds, but I do know that if you embrace the present, you might find what you're looking for. And it sounds as if you've got a pretty good thing with John. That doesn't suck, knowhutimean?
The good news is, it's (almost) never as bad as one imagines.
I visited NYC late last year (with my partner; her daughter lives there now), anticipating that whole subway-in-a-box thing...and it was nothing like that. When we were unsure of where to go, people were very helpful. We walked almost everywhere, and when we didn't, we took the subway; all was good.
We visited the Met (museum, not opera) and MoMA. I hated the first, and dearly loved the latter. (It's like the Louvre vs the d'Orsay.) And, of course, the John Lennon memorial in Central Park.
I came away with a MUCH better appreciation of why people move to NYC. It's not for me, but I understand the draw.
A fundamental difference between your current experience and that of migrants from Mexico is that they have hope. I'm sure I cannot grasp what drives them to undertake that journey...but at the root of it, they must have hope.
I LOVE Italy, thought I have not had the privilege of living there (for nearly a decade!). But if I had the need to leave California...I can imagine having similar feelings, deeply regretting having to move, and not having much hope for where I was going. So I get that. Of course you need to grieve.
But in the back of your mind, allow yourself to think that maybe it won't be quite so bad. It won't be Italy, but it's not a total hell. Heck, maybe you can wander into Little Italy now and then, converse in Italian, and share stories.
I trust that stunning photo of Amelia is on your phone as a Favorite. You can show that when you're sharing stories (and no doubt many other such photos).
One immediate downside to the States: It seemed that _everywhere_ in Italy accepted contactless payments; I paid using my watch. SO easy and secure. But here? Not so much. You can pay for the subway using your watch (or whatever), but otherwise, it's pretty much hit-or-miss.
> Trust me, I’m not that interesting.
Finally! Something you have written for which I could not disagree more!
P.S. LinkedIn.com is used a lot for finding work. FWIW.
Lovely writing, and much of it makes sense. However, I really do believe that NYC may turn a much gentler place than you think. Firstly, NYC is not nearly as much the city of digital youth as you make it out to be. New York’s population is not that young on average. There are LOTS of people of a certain age and many if them thrive in that uniquely cultured and artsy city. My parents used to live in the Midwest, and when my dad died my mum moved to NYC by herself. She lived their happily until her passing at the ripe old age of 88. She had a tiny studio apartment, but she couldn’t care less. What kept her alive and happy was...New York. The opera, the theatre, the museums, Winton Marsalis at the Lincoln Center, window shopping along Fifth Avenue, and the occasional posh lunch. I am convinced she would have been miserable and died early if she’d stayed in the suburban Midwest, despite all the creature comforts there. My own friends in NYC are all in their mid- to late fifties, and they live happy lives in Manhattan. They work, but they also play. They take vacations, they travel, they spend wonderful summers on Fire Island (we are not the Hamptons types). Are they rich? Well, admittedly some of them are reasonably well-paid professionals, but nobody is a Wall Streeter, and those who are lawyers work for the likes of ACLU and Legal Aid. Stop dreading New York. Embrace it and it will embrace you back. I personally find it the coziest city in America. Buona Fortuna!
Try to avoid the consumerism. Because its heroin, cocaine and oxy combined. You have no time in your life for pleasure so you get a "rush" buying things. The rush wears off long before the tab is paid.
And at your "middle aged" status? Get health insurance. Or buy a first class open ticket to Italy because it will be cheaper than going to a hospital or a dentist.
Hi! I have really enjoyed your magazine and reading your Italian “ life “ adventure . My Husbsnd is from Rome and he came to live with me 11 years ago. I wished i had spent a year living there first . I have come to love and embrace the Italian culture as if it were my own with all the goods and not so goods you mention.. haha . What a privilege you had to be able to live and immerse yourself in Italian culture for 9 years ! You can find your “ little italy “ in nyc . My husband found his “ Italian friends here where we live in Florida and we gather as Italians do for soccer games and meals and feels to him like home. I hope you can find your “ Italian family “ and it reminds you of all the things you enjoy about italy!
And Thu k of the advantage you have now ! When you visit you will probably travel to places you may not have ventured to while living there and appreciate more than you thought you could!
I hope to retire in italy as i am awaiting my citizenship through marriage .. i have a 10 year old that is born into the opportunity to live there someday , my hope for her . Best of luck on your journey back to the USA!
I'm curious if you are going to go all "Tom Hanks Castaway" when you return to New York and do your own version of turning off the lights and sleeping on the floor and staring up at the sky. I have always embraced change, sempre, sempre, sempre; I create my own change by rearranging the furniture if nothing else. However, I know this change for you it not completely embraceable and is unwelcome. I am truly sad about this for you. I know you'll find something to embrace.
so enjoyed your offerings. i related some. i'm from san francisco. i had the privilege of being an ex pat thrice. two years in germany, then 3 other yrs in germany, then one year in...nyc. all such experiental gifts. i loved every bit of hating parts of each. life is so rich. and so short. never stop searching, observing, exploring, doing. all the best! fd
I think that is VERY sound advice. And oh, is life short and rich....
Technically, I believe it is the GX-ers (and some Millennials) who are "in charge." GZ-ers are currently barristas unionizing at Starbucks.
Speaking for myself, at least, I can say with some confidence that retirement remains an exchange of time for money.
The shiny spot on the turd is that this is the best job situation in the states in at least the last 50 years. It is an open question how long the free-market fundamentalists at the Fed will allow that to continue. They've seldom exhibited any enthusiasm for ECON 101 facts, not when they've got folks like Lawrence "I've-Never-Been-Right-About-Anything" Summers reminding them of what their endlessly refuted ideology instructs them to do.
Up until 2009, all of my moves/transitions had the sense of a "win" about them, some even more than others. Even joining the army back in '75 was a "win," as it was the first step in breaking the patterns of a life that I'd long recognized as being catastrophically broken. But moving out to Prescott, AZ in 2009 was something of a wash, as I was going there to deal with my father's dementia and his inability to live at home any longer. Coming back to Illinois in 2011 was the admission that my plans had basically fallen apart and that I would never have a full-time job (of any sort) for the rest of my life. The next time I move it will almost certainly be because I've been evicted. So I've known both win and lose.
Any sense of what your time frame looks like?
Those of us who've been able to live as an expat for any length of time are truly blessed. That you've been able to do it for nine years is a gift beyond measure. You'll return older, wiser, more capable and sure of who you are. Of course, going from Italy to NYC will probably be a helluva culture shock, but going to NYC from anywhere would be.
You now have the gift of perspective that few Americans possess. You'll find your place and settle in, as will John. And I'd dispute your contention that you're not all that interesting. Though we've never met, I keep coming back and consider you a friend precisely because I find you fascinating. Perhaps it's the expat angle, or that our writing styles are differently, or...who knows? I just know that people with perspectives and intellects such as yours aren't a dime a dozen. In fact, they're exceedingly rare.
I love your willingness to dive into topics with an open mind and come out on the other side with something unique and interesting. I may not be captivated by all of the topics you've written about, but I can always learn something from them. That's a rare quality in a writer.
Sadly, all good things come to an end. Or do they? Perhaps they don't end at all. Maybe they just transmogrify into new and different adventures and challenges.
I don't pretend to know what the future holds, but I do know that if you embrace the present, you might find what you're looking for. And it sounds as if you've got a pretty good thing with John. That doesn't suck, knowhutimean?
The good news is, it's (almost) never as bad as one imagines.
I visited NYC late last year (with my partner; her daughter lives there now), anticipating that whole subway-in-a-box thing...and it was nothing like that. When we were unsure of where to go, people were very helpful. We walked almost everywhere, and when we didn't, we took the subway; all was good.
We visited the Met (museum, not opera) and MoMA. I hated the first, and dearly loved the latter. (It's like the Louvre vs the d'Orsay.) And, of course, the John Lennon memorial in Central Park.
I came away with a MUCH better appreciation of why people move to NYC. It's not for me, but I understand the draw.
A fundamental difference between your current experience and that of migrants from Mexico is that they have hope. I'm sure I cannot grasp what drives them to undertake that journey...but at the root of it, they must have hope.
I LOVE Italy, thought I have not had the privilege of living there (for nearly a decade!). But if I had the need to leave California...I can imagine having similar feelings, deeply regretting having to move, and not having much hope for where I was going. So I get that. Of course you need to grieve.
But in the back of your mind, allow yourself to think that maybe it won't be quite so bad. It won't be Italy, but it's not a total hell. Heck, maybe you can wander into Little Italy now and then, converse in Italian, and share stories.
I trust that stunning photo of Amelia is on your phone as a Favorite. You can show that when you're sharing stories (and no doubt many other such photos).
One immediate downside to the States: It seemed that _everywhere_ in Italy accepted contactless payments; I paid using my watch. SO easy and secure. But here? Not so much. You can pay for the subway using your watch (or whatever), but otherwise, it's pretty much hit-or-miss.
> Trust me, I’m not that interesting.
Finally! Something you have written for which I could not disagree more!
P.S. LinkedIn.com is used a lot for finding work. FWIW.
Lovely writing, and much of it makes sense. However, I really do believe that NYC may turn a much gentler place than you think. Firstly, NYC is not nearly as much the city of digital youth as you make it out to be. New York’s population is not that young on average. There are LOTS of people of a certain age and many if them thrive in that uniquely cultured and artsy city. My parents used to live in the Midwest, and when my dad died my mum moved to NYC by herself. She lived their happily until her passing at the ripe old age of 88. She had a tiny studio apartment, but she couldn’t care less. What kept her alive and happy was...New York. The opera, the theatre, the museums, Winton Marsalis at the Lincoln Center, window shopping along Fifth Avenue, and the occasional posh lunch. I am convinced she would have been miserable and died early if she’d stayed in the suburban Midwest, despite all the creature comforts there. My own friends in NYC are all in their mid- to late fifties, and they live happy lives in Manhattan. They work, but they also play. They take vacations, they travel, they spend wonderful summers on Fire Island (we are not the Hamptons types). Are they rich? Well, admittedly some of them are reasonably well-paid professionals, but nobody is a Wall Streeter, and those who are lawyers work for the likes of ACLU and Legal Aid. Stop dreading New York. Embrace it and it will embrace you back. I personally find it the coziest city in America. Buona Fortuna!
Sweetie, there will always a place for you to come and unwind here in the majestic, slow Salento.
What a jarring transition. The damn money thing is a problem. Good luck and all of that. Hope you can find that fabled work/life balance.
Try to avoid the consumerism. Because its heroin, cocaine and oxy combined. You have no time in your life for pleasure so you get a "rush" buying things. The rush wears off long before the tab is paid.
And at your "middle aged" status? Get health insurance. Or buy a first class open ticket to Italy because it will be cheaper than going to a hospital or a dentist.
Nona fortuna. Sforza!
Thank you for sharing honestly. I look forward to following you in all the days to come!
Hi! I have really enjoyed your magazine and reading your Italian “ life “ adventure . My Husbsnd is from Rome and he came to live with me 11 years ago. I wished i had spent a year living there first . I have come to love and embrace the Italian culture as if it were my own with all the goods and not so goods you mention.. haha . What a privilege you had to be able to live and immerse yourself in Italian culture for 9 years ! You can find your “ little italy “ in nyc . My husband found his “ Italian friends here where we live in Florida and we gather as Italians do for soccer games and meals and feels to him like home. I hope you can find your “ Italian family “ and it reminds you of all the things you enjoy about italy!
And Thu k of the advantage you have now ! When you visit you will probably travel to places you may not have ventured to while living there and appreciate more than you thought you could!
I hope to retire in italy as i am awaiting my citizenship through marriage .. i have a 10 year old that is born into the opportunity to live there someday , my hope for her . Best of luck on your journey back to the USA!
Xo Audra
Agreed. Do as the Italians do and bring your Italianità back to the States with you. Ask yourself, what would an Italian do?
I'm curious if you are going to go all "Tom Hanks Castaway" when you return to New York and do your own version of turning off the lights and sleeping on the floor and staring up at the sky. I have always embraced change, sempre, sempre, sempre; I create my own change by rearranging the furniture if nothing else. However, I know this change for you it not completely embraceable and is unwelcome. I am truly sad about this for you. I know you'll find something to embrace.