Maybe it's time for YOU to throw a tantrum. Naively, we think we’re having kids. We’re not. We’re having people. And people grow up and do all kinds of stupid, unconscionable things. My kids were raised in a woke household. I myself am so flamingly liberal, I bleed pink. But that may be the point, actually. Your brighter children will always want to establish an identity that is wholly separate from yours. So it is with my son.
I miss the 90s when people didn't take life so seriously. Young people have no experience, they don't understand... really anything. If some young guy wants to be a jackass and display a rebel flag fine... who cares. He'll learn later why he shouldn't do it, or he won't... either way it is his experience and until he shits in your cheerios is not your buisness, ordinarily, but since he's your kid i think your well within your rights to tell him how it makes you feel. That's how i would approach it, not that you are schooling him on why it's wrong, because he can easily refute that (in his mind anyway), he can't refute that it hurts you. My unsolicited advice.. we all know what that is worth.
Although we have never met in person, I have been your Facebook "friend" for years now. I personally think the ability that social media gives us to be a voyeur in someone's life that you don't know is fascinating, especially someone when you find someone with an interesting story as yours (but I digress) . The point is, I know I don't know you, but I have followed your SM long enough to realize how much something like this would effect you. So, with that in mind I'll say this, every time I get consumed by what someone close to me has done I try to remember 2 things. The first is they aren't doing it to me, they are just living their life the way they feel is right for them at that moment. The second, and this is more broadly applicable than just to loved ones, what is my great grandmother's first name? I know you are wondering...what the hell that has to do with anything? My thinking is, 9 people out of 10 that you meet on the street could not answer that most basic of questions about a person who if not for them they wouldn't exist. They could not tell you what the person that preceded them 3 generations is named! So, why do we think that whatever little thing we do matters to anyone. The only thing that matters are the relationships. Did you put more good in the world? You can't put good in the world without the relationships. You can't maintain a relationships if you internalize others actions. Take a lesson from the Dude, fuck it... let's go bowling. If he's your son he got some of the heart you have, he'll come around.
I am so touched by your note. Thank you, Miles. And man, MAD RESPECT for the Lebowski reference! It's no secret what a huge fan I am of that movie.
It's true what you say about the most important thing being the relationships. I was recently reflecting on the fact that when I was younger, I simply didn't understand that. If anyone had asked me, love or accomplishments, I would have come down firmly on the side of accomplishments.
They mean next to nothing, really. Not compared to the relationships we have with friends, kids, family. As you so aptly put it, "You can't put good in the world without the relationships."
That's true wisdom, my friend. Thanks for sharing.
'Not having children, but people ...' Wisdom. Apologies for getting here late, but my middle aged self gets frustrated at my lack of facility navigating technology. You are a great writer, with the courage to pursue it. "Without art, the crudeness of reality would make the world unbearable." - Shaw. Thanks for making the world a little brighter, even in revealing its darker moments, as the topic above. And those gatekeepers toss you a little scratch for your work more often - I know I will, when able. Best to you along your journey, I admire it.
Oh, if you only knew how happy I am to see you here! BRADFORD. If anybody's a great writer, it's you. Damned funny, too. It's a gift that not everybody has, so I wish I had a dollar for every time you managed to put a smile on my face (or a laugh in my belly). I'd be filthy rich.
Hugs, Brad. Thank you for navigating that pesky technology.
As a PROUD butt-hurt Librul snowflake, I have a Trump flag in my basement office...albeit a "TRUMP LOST LOL" version. I never had children, but I have nieces and nephews, so I can sort of relate. There comes a point where you have to decide what hills you want to die on...and a Confederate flag seems like a hill worth perishing on. Sometimes it's as simple as "WTF KIND OF MORON ARE YOU???" Even in Texas, that works. Occasionally.
Didn't we all have a death wish back then? I know I did. These things, I'd say it's quite the reverse. But I'm older now. Hopefully wiser. Certainly less reckless.
I was not a very adventurous youth. Having been singled out by my "peers" for ritual, regular, and public humiliation for much of the first 18 years of my life, I was habituated to keeping my head down and passing unnoticed.
You and I shared a similarly warm, supportive, and memorable interaction with our "peers," I'm afraid. What you call the habituation of keeping your head down and passing unnoticed, I refer to as "scuttling along the baseboards like a roach."
I miss the 90s when people didn't take life so seriously. Young people have no experience, they don't understand... really anything. If some young guy wants to be a jackass and display a rebel flag fine... who cares. He'll learn later why he shouldn't do it, or he won't... either way it is his experience and until he shits in your cheerios is not your buisness, ordinarily, but since he's your kid i think your well within your rights to tell him how it makes you feel. That's how i would approach it, not that you are schooling him on why it's wrong, because he can easily refute that (in his mind anyway), he can't refute that it hurts you. My unsolicited advice.. we all know what that is worth.
I think that’s a very reasonable, well-considered approach. Thank you for sharing it. Maybe a gentle, non-pushy-backy approach is called for here?
Although we have never met in person, I have been your Facebook "friend" for years now. I personally think the ability that social media gives us to be a voyeur in someone's life that you don't know is fascinating, especially someone when you find someone with an interesting story as yours (but I digress) . The point is, I know I don't know you, but I have followed your SM long enough to realize how much something like this would effect you. So, with that in mind I'll say this, every time I get consumed by what someone close to me has done I try to remember 2 things. The first is they aren't doing it to me, they are just living their life the way they feel is right for them at that moment. The second, and this is more broadly applicable than just to loved ones, what is my great grandmother's first name? I know you are wondering...what the hell that has to do with anything? My thinking is, 9 people out of 10 that you meet on the street could not answer that most basic of questions about a person who if not for them they wouldn't exist. They could not tell you what the person that preceded them 3 generations is named! So, why do we think that whatever little thing we do matters to anyone. The only thing that matters are the relationships. Did you put more good in the world? You can't put good in the world without the relationships. You can't maintain a relationships if you internalize others actions. Take a lesson from the Dude, fuck it... let's go bowling. If he's your son he got some of the heart you have, he'll come around.
I am so touched by your note. Thank you, Miles. And man, MAD RESPECT for the Lebowski reference! It's no secret what a huge fan I am of that movie.
It's true what you say about the most important thing being the relationships. I was recently reflecting on the fact that when I was younger, I simply didn't understand that. If anyone had asked me, love or accomplishments, I would have come down firmly on the side of accomplishments.
They mean next to nothing, really. Not compared to the relationships we have with friends, kids, family. As you so aptly put it, "You can't put good in the world without the relationships."
That's true wisdom, my friend. Thanks for sharing.
My son is 15 and swinging the same way... it's so so hard to watch and know... you can only say or do so much and then.. more voices gotta help.
"More voices gotta help." BOOM! That was beautiful.
'Not having children, but people ...' Wisdom. Apologies for getting here late, but my middle aged self gets frustrated at my lack of facility navigating technology. You are a great writer, with the courage to pursue it. "Without art, the crudeness of reality would make the world unbearable." - Shaw. Thanks for making the world a little brighter, even in revealing its darker moments, as the topic above. And those gatekeepers toss you a little scratch for your work more often - I know I will, when able. Best to you along your journey, I admire it.
Oh, if you only knew how happy I am to see you here! BRADFORD. If anybody's a great writer, it's you. Damned funny, too. It's a gift that not everybody has, so I wish I had a dollar for every time you managed to put a smile on my face (or a laugh in my belly). I'd be filthy rich.
Hugs, Brad. Thank you for navigating that pesky technology.
As a PROUD butt-hurt Librul snowflake, I have a Trump flag in my basement office...albeit a "TRUMP LOST LOL" version. I never had children, but I have nieces and nephews, so I can sort of relate. There comes a point where you have to decide what hills you want to die on...and a Confederate flag seems like a hill worth perishing on. Sometimes it's as simple as "WTF KIND OF MORON ARE YOU???" Even in Texas, that works. Occasionally.
"PROUD butt-hurt Librul snowflake." That's PERFECT.
At 25, his forebrain hasn't even finished forming. (The daughter's will complete a little sooner than the son's.)
Just keep telling me that! Love you, Gares.
Actuaries sort of understood this before neuroscience proved it. There's a reason why auto insurance for 25 and younger is so much more expensive.
Didn't we all have a death wish back then? I know I did. These things, I'd say it's quite the reverse. But I'm older now. Hopefully wiser. Certainly less reckless.
I was not a very adventurous youth. Having been singled out by my "peers" for ritual, regular, and public humiliation for much of the first 18 years of my life, I was habituated to keeping my head down and passing unnoticed.
You and I shared a similarly warm, supportive, and memorable interaction with our "peers," I'm afraid. What you call the habituation of keeping your head down and passing unnoticed, I refer to as "scuttling along the baseboards like a roach."