Kitties in Humiliating Costumes, Halloween Edition #2

These fuzzy freeloaders have to earn their keep, just like all the rest of us.

It’s easy to see why Eric and Ollie have a sizable following on Instagram

We like to tackle some high-complexity subjects here at Cappuccino, but that doesn’t mean we’re immune to the more palatable charms of kitsch. What could possibly be more kitschy than cats in Halloween costumes? And where do you get a cat that will actually let you do that? My Olive would slice me open like a bratwurst. She’s a pill, that Olive. If you pet her soft pendulous undercarriage instead of her ears, she’ll growl at you.

Last year, we braved the collective horror and indignation of our readership by bringing you Humiliating Your Dog With Costumes. Most of you admitted to laughing. I know I did. Look, the world is a scary place. If we can find a reason to laugh, we probably should.

Here then are my top ten picks for humiliating cat costumes. Remember: cats do nothing constructive. They lay around. They shed. They defile the litter box. They purposely make noise to wake you up. So I think a little harmless payback is in order, don’t you?

Lil Zeon in a pirate outfit, ready to sail the high seas. Kudos for getting the perfect camera angle. Cappuccino sez 9/10 with one point deducted for lack of a Snidely Whiplash porn ‘stache, which would have made him even more ridiculous.

This Batman and Joker duo is just the kitty humiliation I was looking for. Cappuccino sez 10/10 with condolences to the guy who’s going to get murdered by the cat on the right.

If I could, even for three seconds, get one of my cats into a pot and a lobster costume, I would never ask for anything more. Cappuccino sez 10/10 and would like to remind everyone not to eat at this woman’s house.

Half the joy of a humiliating costume is the look of angry betrayal on your cat’s face. Here, I think we’ve achieved maximum contempt. Cappuccino gives this a 10/10 and will be sending a sympathy card when this cat’s owner gets scored open like a Christmas ham.

This little bat-kitty (catbat?) is so cute, I feel as though I’m being taken advantage of. Cappuccino sez 10/10 even though the tiny fangs were likely done in post production. Too adorable not to love.

It’s just so … disappointed in you. Cappuccino sez mama’s lil fish cracker deserves a big 10/10!

This bee isn’t having any of it. If you even petted it right now, it would disembowel you. Everything about him says f**k around and find out. Cappuccino gives this 9/10 only because of photo quality.

“As soon as this horse-shaped heating pad eases the pain in my knees and the ibuprofen kicks in, it’s over for you bitches.” Cappuccino sez 10/10!

This lil snail-cat is so cute, I’d dip it in butter and pop it in my mouth as escargot. But let’s be honest. Some cats deserve an apology. Maybe not a sincere one, but an apology nonetheless. Cappuccino sez 9/10 with a one point deduction for lack of a slime trail.

Absolutely everything about this: girth, degree of smushiness, and of course EARS. Cappuccino sez 10/10.

Cotton candy kitty hopes you choke on a hairball. He’s already got a casket all picked out for you. Cappuccino sez 9/10, one point deducted for lack of humiliating pink satin slippers.

Next year. What do you think? Hedgehogs in sombreros?

Cappuccino wishes you a Happy Halloween this month! Let’s start celebrating it right away with a jumbo bag of Snickers.

Copyright © 2022 Stacey Eskelin

I wanna hear about your costumed kitties! Be sure to chime in below.