Let me preface this particular Cappuccino by insisting my gales of laughter when I come across hilarious English fails are not intended as a slight to those who have yet to master the language. My own forays into Italian are frankly embarrassing. I have no leg to stand on.
But if you had a public-facing company, don’t you agree it might be a good idea to consult an English dictionary and/or a native English speaker before putting up signage, or launching a national ad campaign, or screen-printing a shirt? Maybe? Because there are a lot of folks out there who seem as though they can’t be bothered.
And that’s the part that leaves me in stitches—the sheer indifference to getting it right. Not that English speakers don’t muck up their own language. They do, and with dismal regularity. But it’s been a long time since I’ve seen a national ad campaign in the United States that had misspelled native or foreign words in it. We do usually check these things before sending them out. Maybe the difference is we know we’ll get fired if we don’t.
But in Italy … well, you know. There’s always a perfectly good explanation for why these embarrassing little gaffes constantly happen.
Here then, without further ado, are some of my favorite English fails. Enjoy!
Italy’s own brand of potato chips, Crik Crok, launched a nationwide ad campaign with this remarkable opportunity to fire somebody in the art department: SNACK IS FUN.
This was at a store in Poland, and of course, our eyes popped right out of our heads. “Vintage” toilet paper? I’d say toilet paper is the one thing I would never buy in vintage. Good work, Mola!
Also in Poland. This time, not an English fail, but an Italian one. I’m pretty sure GIUSEPPE (with an “i” between the “u” and the “s”) is going to be pretty upset when he sees how they mangled his name.
There is so much that’s wrong with this shirt, I don’t know where to start. It was innocently worn by a nice middle-aged nonna in line at the Ins Supermarket. John could barely sneak the photo, he was laughing so hard. Just take a good look at some of the “hip English phrases” on this shirt: “He 12 inches,” “I swallow you,” “Oral,” “Bottom,” and in several choice spots, the word “Bitch.” Yes, I would agree that this shirt is “XX-rated.”
Just…no.
Like those fancy-shmancy nails? Me, too. But I had to hold the menu so you could see it. “Proper coffee.” “Er tiramisu: the most good of the universe does my wife.” “Vegetables: what I find at the market at the best price.” “Baked potatoes how I feel.” This is comedy gold, people.
“Eat is Life.” Well, ain’t that the damned truth.
One of my absolute favorite things about Italy are the vending machines with lube, condoms, and vibrators. Vibrators! it’s just so thoughtful and considerate. In my home state of Texas, possessing more than two vibrators or dildoes is against the law. Seriously. If you’d like to read more about Italian vending machines with vibrators, click here. But “Geisha balls?” Really? Geishas with balls? I might want to rethink the inventory.
In the very same vending machine: “Retard.” Dude…that doesn’t mean what you think it means. Also, at the very top, under the word “Control,” what do you see? “Feel make Feel.” YES. Absolutely, it does.
I loves me some good Engrish!! I was always amazed at the attempts at English I found in Eastern Europe, particularly when it came to clothing. People would wear things with logos and slogans that would get you laughed off any American street. It was as if the designer knew just enough English not to give a f**k about whether or not what they were putting out made any sense. It invariably didn't.
As for your attempts at Italian, you're not alone. I tried- poorly- to wrap my head around Albanian, but everywhere I went in Kosovo people would want to practice their English on me...which was usually almost as bad as my Albanian. Still, they were unfailingly thrilled when I attempted to butcher a few words in their native tongue. :-)
When the Chevy Nova first came out, GM couldn't figure out why the car wasn't selling in Spain... (no va... get it?)
I loves me some good Engrish!! I was always amazed at the attempts at English I found in Eastern Europe, particularly when it came to clothing. People would wear things with logos and slogans that would get you laughed off any American street. It was as if the designer knew just enough English not to give a f**k about whether or not what they were putting out made any sense. It invariably didn't.
As for your attempts at Italian, you're not alone. I tried- poorly- to wrap my head around Albanian, but everywhere I went in Kosovo people would want to practice their English on me...which was usually almost as bad as my Albanian. Still, they were unfailingly thrilled when I attempted to butcher a few words in their native tongue. :-)